


Sam's new friend

by zation



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Bullied Cas, Desperation, Destiel - Freeform, Determined Cas, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, Frustrated Dean, Hand Jobs, I Don't Even Know, Loss of Innocence, M/M, Not Beta Read, Older Dean, Omorashi, Pee-kink, Pining, Pining Dean, Porn With Plot, Supportive Sam, Underage - Freeform, Underage Sex, Wetting, alcohol as a coping method, unrealistic, young cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-22 13:24:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3730540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zation/pseuds/zation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts out a regular Friday, that faithful day that changes Dean’s life forever.</p><p>Or,</p><p>The one where Sam brings home a new friend and Dean suddenly has to struggle with unexpected feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The new kid

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, just a couple of things (trigger warnings) first:
> 
>  **1.** This is seriously underage. And Cas is sometimes acting even younger than he really is. Like seriously you guys, it’s not even funny.
> 
>  **2.** Pee-kink. Yeah, not my usual agenda but here we go!
> 
> So, if you’re reading this _just because_ you’ve read some of my other shit this one might be disturbing for you and I urge you not to continue. 
> 
> On the other hand, if you’re here because this is your kink, please continue!
> 
>  **3.** This is very unrealistic. I cannot stress this enough. If you’re reading this and expecting realism, fuck off.  
>  If you’re here for a good time, then by all means, let the show commence!
> 
>  
> 
> _P.S. Thank you for your time! I hope you’ll enjoy yourself because I sure as hell enjoyed writing this for you <3 ___

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Castiel, this puny little thing, and Dean seriously fucks up.

  
  


Dean was standing in his kitchen, peeling potatoes for dinner, when he heard the front door open and slam closed. He glanced up at the clock on the wall and frowned a little when he realized how late it was, even for a Friday, but he kept his mouth shut as he heard the pitter-patter of his little brother approaching.

"Dean?" Sam called and Dean put the potato and peeler down to turn around and wipe his hands on the towel he had slung over his shoulder.

"Kitchen." He answered and Sam soon appeared in the archway. Behind his little brother was an even littler frame. "Well, hello there." He said, surprised, when he saw the small boy crouching behind Sam’s back, almost as if hiding. Big blue eyes turned to look up at him and Dean’s breath hitched a little. The boy’s face was pale and his hair tousled, eyes brimming with unshed tears but God, Dean had never seen a more beautiful child. He blinked. Okay, what the hell was that?

"Hello Mr. Winchester." The boy replied, his voice shaky with barely contained tears and Dean’s chest clenched painfully.

Sam laughed a little and turned around. "He’s not my dad or anything Cas." He said, obviously amused even though this boy seemed about two seconds away from crying. "That’s just Dean."

The boy looked frightened, possibly as if Dean would hit him for getting it wrong, and Dean quickly nodded with a smile to reassure him. "Yes." He said. "I’m Sammy’s older brother."

"I-I’m sorry." The boy stuttered and turned beet red, looking down at the floor and Sam looked at Dean as if he wanted Dean to make it better. Fuck if Dean knew how, though. Wasn’t as if he was some kind of expert on comforting kids or something.

"Hey." He mumbled and went to one knee in front on the boy. This close he could see that the boy’s lower lip was split and he frowned when he caught those frightened eyes with his. "What happened?" Dean turned to his brother when the boy just turned away. "Sam?"

Sam pursed his lips. "Some guys were picking on Cas after school. I kicked their asses."

Dean wanted to reprimand his brother for his language but could only feel proud. He had taught Sam to defend himself, thinking he would very well need it when the secret about their family caught up with Sam’s school. Kids were mean but Sam was well-liked so it hadn’t really been a problem, yet. Dean was happy, though, that his teachings had come to use. Someone beating on a kid as fragile as this one certainly deserved an ass-kicking.

"Alright." Was all he said and before he could think about what he was doing he had put one hand on the boy’s cheek and gently brushed the pad of his thumb along the abused lip. The boy winced and Dean tried not to look surprised by his own actions. "We better clean this up, though. What’s your name kid?"

The boy opened his mouth but then promptly shut it again, looking embarrassed and Dean tried smiling kindly but the boy just looked away.

Sam rolled his eyes when Dean looked at him again, an amused smile playing on his lips. "Castiel." He provided. "We’re in the same grade but not the same class." He crossed his arms and Dean nodded. That explained why he hadn’t seen him in Sam’s usual throng of friends. "He’s shy."

"I got that." Dean answered with mirth in his voice and goddamnit, his heart leapt when Castiel smiled uncertainly back at him.

Sam shrugged. "We’re in the chess club together, though. We’ve just talked a few times but I always thought he was cool."

Dean found it both unsettling and funny how Sam talked about the boy as if he wasn’t there. It made him wonder how often that happened. But Castiel smiled so brightly and so shyly that Dean almost forgot his own name.

"No you didn’t." Castiel protested and Sammy snorted amusedly. "You’re much cooler."

Sam flexed his little bicep. "Yeah? Well, we showed those punks who’s the boss today, didn’t we?"

That made both Castiel and Dean chuckle. "I’m sure you were a regular Superman, Sammy." Dean said and got to his feet, putting a comforting hand on Castiel’s shoulder. "Can you Superman those potatoes clean and put them on while I help Castiel?"

"Sure!" Sam exclaimed, unexpectedly happy to help with such a trivial thing. Dean shook his head fondly as his little brother pulled one of the chairs up to the sink and started in on the peeling.

Dean just kept on resting his hand on Castiel’s shoulder as he led the boy down the hall in their little two-bedroom apartment to their only bathroom.

"I’ll clean your cut and you can eat with us, alright Castiel?" he said as he let the boy into the bathroom. Castiel stopped just inside and Dean had to squeeze past him.

"You can call me Cas, Sam does." He said lowly, mostly to the floor and Dean kneeled down to search the cabinet beneath the sink for his first-aid box.

"Okay, Cas." He said and looked up with a smile. It slipped away when he saw that Cas was looking close to tears again. "Hey, what’s wrong?" he asked and stood up to put a hand on the boy’s cheek again, tilting his head back so their eyes could meet. He really had very blue eyes, Dean noted absentmindedly.

"I don’t want to trouble you Mr. Wi—Dean." He mumbled, his eyes full of tears again.

"No, no." Dean hastened to say, even though he was a little unclear on why he felt the need to reassure this boy. Other than Sammy, Dean didn’t much take notice of kids. "It’s no trouble… Look, do you want to call your parents and have them pick you up?"

Cas’ eyes wavered. "They’re not home." He answered eventually and Dean frowned.

"No? Who’re you staying with?" And why the hell did he care?

Cas swallowed and fiddled with the hem of his tee. "My big brothers. My parents are out of town this weekend."

"Oh. Okay then." Dean didn’t know why but that made him feel much better. This kid had brothers to look after him and he actually had parents. His life wasn’t fucked up like Dean’s and Sam’s. It made him feel much calmer than he had any reason to be.

Cas was suddenly gripping Dean’s shirt in his little hands. "But I can stay, can’t I?"

"Of-of course." Dean all but stammered, trying desperately not to think about the way Cas’ hands were pressing into his abdomen. Goddamnit, what the hell was wrong with him? "We can have dinner and then you can call you brothers."

Cas nodded, looking very relieved. "Thank you Dean." He said but he didn’t release his hold on Dean’s shirt. For some reason Dean didn’t mind. "Mikey always gets so angry when someone bullies me."

Dean frowned. "Angry how?"

Cas looked up and apparently saw Dean’s displeased face. "Not at me." He said hastily but Dean didn’t relax just yet. "He just wants to call the school and stuff like that. I don’t want that." His eyes suddenly rounded out in worry. "You won’t do that, will you?"

Dean forced himself to smile. "Of course not, that’s not my place." Fuck, a lot of this wasn’t his place. He didn’t know why but the thought of someone abusing this kid made him as mad as when he thought about Sam getting in trouble. And he had barely known this kid for fifteen minutes. He sighed to himself and put his hands in Cas’ armpits, easily lifting the boy to sit on the counter beside the sink. Shit, the boy weighed nothing. His limbs were long and gangly but try as he might, Dean couldn’t find one similarity to his own brother, even though the boys were the same age. Cas seemed smaller and more fragile in every way. "Why were someone picking on you?" he asked and put the first-aid box beside the boy. "This obviously isn’t the first time."

Cas shrugged and dangled his legs a little while Dean dug out the Neosporin and some cotton. "They think I’m weird." He said as if that didn’t faze him at all, which clearly was weird. "They tease me about my clothes and call me names." He looked down when Dean tried to meet his eyes. "And they tease me because mom and dad aren’t around and Mikey went to the last PTA-meeting." The last word came out in a mumbled whisper and Dean’s heart just about broke. That was exactly what he had been fearing for Sam, and also why he had moved them as soon as he’d gotten custody over his ten years younger brother. A lot of the people at this new school actually thought that Dean was Sam’s dad and he let them think so, better that than to have Sam bullied for the life they had built for themselves.

"Hey." He took Cas’ chin gently between his thumb and finger and made the boy look up at him. "That’s not a reason to bully someone." He said heatedly and when Cas blinked tears escaped. Okay, so maybe this boy was a little bit of a crybaby but fuck, it just made Dean want to hug him tightly. "It’s okay, you’re safe here. And now you’re on Sam’s radar too, he’s not gonna let anyone touch you." He smiled reassuringly and was happy to see Cas smiling back, even though his cut lip trembled slightly. "Okay?"

"‘Kay." Cas mumbled and Dean went back to fixing with the Neosporin.

When he stepped closer to the boy, Cas opened his legs and Dean just, fuck, just stepped in-between them. Feeling Cas’ knees resting against Dean’s hips was incredibly distracting and Dean didn’t know what to think about that.

"This is gonna sting." He warned and then gripped Cas’ chin again to tilt his head back. Cas just nodded and opened his mouth a little to give better access and goddamn.

Dean gritted his teeth and dotted the cotton against the cut. Cas winced and Dean nodded soothingly as if that helped with anything. He scowled when the cotton came away a little bloody and he put it down to reach over and wet a new wad on some lukewarm water to clean the mess away. He should really have started with that but Cas was very distracting. And fucking twelve years old. Dean bit the inside of his cheek as he bent forwards again to clean Cas’ lip. He pressed a little harder and Cas made to pull away.

"Almost done." Dean mumbled and put a hand on the back to Cas’ head to hold him still. The feel of that silky hair made Dean want to grip it hard.

Cas grabbed Dean’s shirt again when Dean applied new Neosporin, a little whine escaping him and shit, Dean couldn’t think straight. He just leaned in and dabbed at the cut but when he noticed fresh tears falling silently from Cas’ big blue eyes his heart just melted.

"Hey now." He mumbled and put the cotton away to cradle Cas to his chest as the boy shook against him. "See, all done now." He felt Cas’ slim arms circle around his chest to grip at his back and Dean clenched his jaws together. "All done baby boy, you did good." He soothed and petted Cas’ head when Cas shook it, still crying. "It’s okay now, you’re okay." For the life of him, Dean couldn’t say what possessed him but he actually leaned down and kissed Cas on top of his raven-black hair. Shit, the boy’s scent went right up into Dean’s nostrils and he couldn’t stop himself, just kissed Cas’ head again. And again. "All okay baby boy." He mumbled against the soft strands of hair.

Cas eventually calmed down but Dean’s panic was just beginning. What the hell was he doing? And saying? To a child? A child he didn’t even know? Fuck, Dean felt so messed up he almost missed that Cas was trying to pull back. When he realized he immediately released the boy and looked down at him, smiling and trying his damnedest to make it look steady.

"Okay?" he asked and Cas nodded, sniffling a little.

"Yeah." He mumbled and Dean stepped back to tear off some paper for the boy to blow his nose on.

"Good. Now come on and let’s get out of here before Sammy burns my meat loaf." He said and helped Cas down from the counter even though he was certain the boy could have just jumped down. Fuck, he felt like carrying Cas around all the time and it didn’t seem like Cas would mind, with the way he was clinging to Dean.

But he did put the boy down and opened the door for them to walk to the kitchen again. On their way there, Cas snuck his little hand into Dean’s and Dean looked down, surprised. Cas smiled uncertainly up at him and Dean couldn’t fucking help himself, he just smiled back.

  


*********

  


The dinner was devoured fast with two growing boys wolfing it down and Dean was happy to notice that Cas seemed to like his cooking just as much as Sammy did. The boys were chatting cheerily now; Cas’ shyness as if blown away and Dean couldn’t help but smile at the way his brother and this new kid interacted. Sam had always been a very good judge of character and Dean generally liked his brother’s friends but this one was something special. Judging by Sam’s earlier statements the boys didn’t actually know each other very well but it sure as hell looked like it now. Looked to Dean as if Cas had always been a permanent piece in their broken puzzle.

And Cas was such a funny little kid that it was easy to interact with him. Turned out he wasn’t too well versed in popular culture but he hung on to every word Sam told him. About cars, about football, about classic rock. He looked so deeply invested that Dean couldn’t help but smile fondly. And when Sam couldn’t remember a particular detail and Dean provided it Cas looked at Dean as if he was some kind of all-knowing God. It made Dean’s stomach flip. Sam hadn’t looked at Dean like that for years and even when he had it hadn’t felt quite like _that_.

They got to know a little about Cas as well. Like that he had two brothers, Gabriel and Michael. That Gabriel was also attending the same school as Cas and Sam but that he was three years older than them. Michael was apparently in college but he still found time to drive his brothers to school. Dean was pleased to hear that for some reason. They learned that Cas’ parents were named Chuck and Becky but when the topic changed to them Cas lost a little of the sparkle in his eyes. Dean didn’t like to see that so he got up and started collecting the plates.

"So, what do your parents actually do?" Sam asked a while later while Dean was cleaning the dishes, both boys still sitting in the kitchen for some reason. Dean didn’t mind, he just thought it was noteworthy since Sam usually disappeared with his friends as soon as he had inhaled what was on his plate.

"Dad’s an author and mom’s his publicist." Cas answered and drank some more of his milk. He gripped his glass with both hands and it just looked so cute Dean had to turn his back to it.

"Is that why they’re not home a lot?" Sammy asked and Cas nodded, his tongue sticking out to lick his plump lips clean, not even wincing when he touched the cut. Wait. Plump? Dean really had to keep his back turned.

"Mom’s got an office in Pontiac, Illinois. They’re there a lot."

"Illinois?" Sam asked and Dean could practically hear his confused frown.

"A hell of a long way away, Sammy." Dean answered with his back still turned while he ran the plates under some hot water before placing them in the dishwasher.

"Oh." Sam sat silent for a while and when Dean turned around he saw that Sam was staring at the table while Cas was looking at Dean. Dean startled a little but his chest got all warm when the boy smiled slightly at him. "Our dad’s in Lawrence." Sam suddenly said and Dean gripped the edge of the kitchen counter.

Cas turned his attention to Sam and pursed his lips in thought. "I don’t know where that is."

"Kansas." Sam supplied and Cas nodded.

"Why?"

"Because he’s an asshole."

"Sam." Dean said warningly but Sam tore his eyes away from Cas to glare defiantly at Dean.

"Well, it’s true." He turned back to Cas. "Dean’s my legal guardian now."

Dean sighed. "Let’s not bore Cas with this shit, we can—"

"Why?" Cas asked again, as if Dean hadn’t said anything, and Sam smirked at Dean before turning back to Cas. Yes, Sammy loved to tell this story, to make Dean out to be some kind of hero but fuck if he was. He had just been tired. Still was, to be frank.

"Our mom died when we were small, I was just a baby. Dad became an alcoholic and he beat Dean a lot. And me too, sometimes." Sam glanced at Dean, probably to see if he was going to stop him but Dean just frowned at him. Cas had his undivided attention directed at Sam. "Five years ago when Dean turned seventeen he emas… emi…" he looked over at Dean again and Dean sighed a little.

"Emancipated. I emancipated myself." He provided and Sam nodded proudly.

"I don’t know what that means."

Goddamn, this kid was so fucking adorable Dean had to turn to the fridge to start pulling out dessert just to not hug him. "It means the court in Lawrence agreed to make me a legal adult before my years." He closed the door and put down the cups of pudding he had been saving for himself and Sam. One in front of Sam and the other for Cas. "That I was free to live without dad." Cas was staring at him as if that was the coolest thing he had ever heard of and it made Dean uncomfortable. "I should have waited though. The court emancipated me but they still refused to give me custody over Sam. It took me over a year to get it so the emancipation was a little ineffectual."

Sam tore the lid from his pudding. "That year was the worst."

"I know Sammy." Dean sighed and put two spoons out for the boys. He really didn’t like talking about this, to anyone, let alone a child that Sam had just befriended. He didn’t know why Sam felt the need to share this and he didn’t fucking know why he hadn’t just excused himself from the whole conversation. Cas’ blue eyes just pinned him down.

"What about school?" Cas asked, his pudding still untouched even as Sam mashed his mouth full of it.

"For me?" Dean asked, eyebrows raised. "Yeah, I didn’t finish. I had to take care of Sammy so I moved us here. An old friend of the family has a salvage yard here in Sioux Falls and he agreed to let me work for him so I could afford this apartment."

"Wow." Cas’ eyes were round in amazement and Dean suddenly felt very self-conscious. Sam was just nodding wisely beside his friend. Cas looked down at his pudding cup. "My brother would never give up school to take care of me." He mumbled and for some reason Dean found that hard to believe.

He reached down and opened Cas’ pudding for him. "Enough of this shit now, eat your dessert squirt." He said with a grin and wasn’t at all thrilled when Cas’ fingers brushed his when Cas accepted the cup.

  


*********

  


Dean insisted that Cas call his brother once dessert was over and then he pushed Sam out into the living room to give Cas some privacy.

"D’you think Cas’ brothers will be angry with him?" Sam asked as Dean turned on the TV to find a rerun of Back to the Future playing.

"Nah." He said as casually as he could, slouching down on the couch beside his brother. "I’m sure it’s fine. He’ll just explain it to them and then I’ll drive him home."

Sam was gnawing his lower lip in that way he did when he was thinking. "I shouldn’t have brought him here." He said after a while and Dean shifted his focus from the TV to his brother. "I should’ve helped him to his own home."

Dean shook his head. "It’s okay Sammy. You didn’t force him."

"He was just so scared, I wanted him to feel safe."

Dean couldn’t help but smile at that. "So you brought him to me?"

"‘Course."

Dean reached over and ruffled Sam’s hair. "Thank you."

Sam rolled his eyes but Dean knew that Sam understood what Dean meant. Dean was often worried that he wasn’t adequate enough to take care of Sammy but he guessed he had done something right if the kid thought that Dean would be the best person to bring a wounded friend home to.

"Are you angry that I told Cas about dad?" Sam asked after a while and Dean shrugged before straightening up.

"No." He answered truthfully and got to his feet, ready to go check on the boy.

"He just seems kind of sad that his parents aren’t around, I wanted him to know he wasn’t the only one."

Damn, his little brother sure could sound grown-up for a twelve-year-old, Dean reflected wistfully and ruffled Sam’s hair again. "I said it’s fine." He smiled and walked out to the kitchen. Stopping just outside, he could hear Cas still talking on the phone.

"I know." Cas was saying and when Dean peeked inside he could see that Cas was standing with his back turned. "I know Gabe. Yeah, Sam." Gabe was probably Gabriel, Dean thought and for some reason didn’t move closer. Cas continued talking. "No, he lives with his older brother." There was a pause. "Dean." Wow, Dean didn’t really think his chest should feel so warm hearing Cas say his name. Just when he was about to say something to announce his presence he saw a slight blush creeping up Cas’ neck. "No, why’d you ask?" He listened for another while. "I-I dunno Gabe." Pause. "No, I can’t ask that. Because I can’t!" Cas hissed the last part out, obviously interrupting his brother. "I’ve already embarrassed myself." A pause in which Cas nodded. "Yeah. And I cried. A lot." New pause. "That _is_ embarrassing. And I called him Mr. Winchester, like I thought he was Sam’s dad." Okay, even Dean could hear the laughter chiming on the other side now. " It’s not funny! I don’t want to talk to you anymore, get Mikey back and I’ll get Dean."

 _Oh shit_ , Dean thought and panicked a little, not wanting to get caught listening in on the poor kid. He quickly turned back into the hall and then made to walk back as if he’d just arrived. The action caused him to run right into Cas and the little boy yelped. Dean reached out and grabbed his arm to prevent him from falling and Cas blinked owlishly at him. Fuck, this kid was small.

"Easy there." He smiled and Cas of course blushed cutely. "Is everything alright?"

"Y-yeah." Cas stammered and then held out the phone for Dean. "My brother wants to speak to you."

"Okay." Dean answered and accepted the phone. "Sam’s in the living room." Cas nodded and Dean watched him scamper off before he turned his attention to the phone at hand. "Hello?"

"Is this Dean?"

Dean could immediately hear the similarities between this brother’s speech pattern and Cas’. His voice was similar, if deeper, and his enunciation was near identical. Dean smiled.

"Yeah. And I presume you’re either Michael or Gabriel?"

Dean could practically hear the smile in the man’s tone. "Michael. I’m the oldest."

Dean nodded, even though Michael couldn’t see him, remembering Cas telling them this. "I hear you’re taking care of your brothers while your parents are outta town."

"Yes, it’s… Yes."

"I think that’s great." Dean said honestly, thinking about Cas and smiling even though he didn’t know why. "But I also heard Cas got into trouble today."

Michael sighed. "Yes, that unfortunately happens from time to time. Kids at school seem to like beating on him."

Dean frowned. "You seem awfully casual about it." And who the hell was he to pass judgement? But he couldn’t stop himself. Not after Cas had clung to him while crying like that in the bathroom.

"Not at all." Michael answered heatedly and Dean felt himself relaxing a bit. "Cassie just won’t tell us who it is that keeps bullying him. He says it’ll just get worse and I don’t know what to do anymore."

Dean actually felt sorry for the bloke. They had parents; they should be dealing with this and not him. "I get it." Dean stated and Michael quieted. "But Sam seems to have taken a liking to Cas so he’ll help him at least."

"Yes, thank God for that. Gabe’s been utterly useless so far."

Dean smiled. "I hope you weren’t offended that I kept your little brother here for dinner?" he asked, thinking that if anyone had kept Sam for as long as he had Cas he would have been livid.

"Actually Cas usually has piano lessons after school on Fridays so we didn’t even realize he was missing until his piano teacher called, just twenty minutes ago. You’d think she would have reacted faster."

Dean snorted. "Yeah, I’d stop paying her."

"First thing on my agenda." Michael muttered and yeah, Dean was starting to like this dude. "We’ve been calling everyone we know but then Cassie called out of the blue, can’t tell you how big of a relief that was. Didn’t particularly want to involve mom and dad."

Dean chuckled. "Well, you can cancel your search party. I’ll bring Cas over right now."

"Sounds goo—"

But Dean didn’t hear the end of that because Sam and Cas came barreling into the kitchen, laughing and practically bouncing over to Dean.

"Dean!" Sammy all but yelled and Dean made a face at him and pointed to the phone. Sam just ignored him. "Can Cas sleep over? Can he?"

"What?" Dean asked dumbly. Sam rarely had friends staying over and this was pushing it a little. Sure, Cas was enthralling and all but how the hell had he and Sam managed to get this close in these few hours? Wait. Did he just call Cas enthralling? And shit, Cas was practically beaming at him.

"Is that Mikey?" he asked and pointed at the phone. Dean just nodded dumbly and gave it up when Cas reached out his hand. "Hi Mike." He smiled into the phone. "Did you hear? Yeah? Can I?" he waited while his big brother talked and then promptly handed the phone back to Dean with a happy squeal. Man, that was just the right look for this kid, Dean thought dazedly.

"Dean?"

"Y-yeah?" he answered Michael a bit shakily.

"I told him it’s fine if you’re okay with it."

"Dude." Dean turned half-way around while the boys bounced out of the kitchen. "I’m fine but are _you_? You haven’t even met me. No offence but I’d never leave Sammy with you without meeting you."

Michael chuckled. "I get that. But Cas seemed really excited and he never gets excited, not like this. I think he really likes you and Sam. Besides," his tone changed and it was suddenly the big brother-voice that Dean recognized in himself. "I have your number now, which also means I’ve got your address. You’d do well to remember that."

"Gotcha."

"Good. Bring him back after breakfast tomorrow."

They ended the call not much later and Dean took a moment to just stare at the phone in disbelief.

  


*********

  


The boys played for a long while in Sam’s room, their laughter filling the small apartment and Dean had never been gladder that he’d bought Sam that Xbox than when he poked his head in to see them both completely engrossed in the car game they were playing. Sam’s eyebrows were knitted in concentration and Cas’ tongue poked out as he tried to stay clear of the various obstacles that were flying up around his car. Personally Dean didn’t like the car games. They were too bright in color for him and made him a little nauseated but looking at his little brother and his new friend made him happy he had bought it nonetheless, even if it had meant he’d have to eat cup ramen for a month. Just as he was ducking out Cas turned his head and Dean winked at him. Cas blushed and completely totaled his car against a tree. Sammy laughed for a good five minutes at that.

Later, when Dean had set up the spare bed in Sam’s room and set out a towel and an actually brand new toothbrush for Cas, the boys joined Dean on the couch. He was watching Die Hard, again, and got a little uncertain whether Cas should be watching it or not but he didn’t say anything. He knew Sam could handle it but he didn’t want to embarrass Cas by asking if he could. Instead he just waited until a commercial break and then got up to make them some popcorn.

As the movie progressed Dean got the feeling that his earlier assumptions had been right and when a particularly loud explosion made Cas jump he smiled at the boy and put a protective arm around him. To his surprise Cas covered his eyes and plastered himself against Dean side. Okay. That was not really what Dean had intended but fuck did it feel nice. He glanced down and saw Cas peeking out through his fingers as McClane fought for his life. It was so goddamn adorable that he couldn’t help pulling Cas closer. He glanced over at Sam but saw that his brother was totally absorbed with the movie, eating popcorn without even looking down at the bowl. Good. Dean didn’t want Cas to feel embarrassed about needing some support here.

Cas nestled closer to Dean, his head resting against Dean’s chest and fuck he just smelled so good. His little shoulders were scrawny and he was all limbs as growing boys usually were but he felt warm and soft against Dean’s bigger frame and it made Dean feel powerful in a good way. As if he at least could do something good by protecting this kid. Kind of like he had felt that time he had walked out of the courthouse with Sammy’s hand in his except not really. Cas’ hair was soft and tickled against Dean’s chin when he turned his head. He remembered what it had felt like to kiss that hair and the memory made him shiver.

When Gruber eventually got thrown off the building Cas gasped and buried his head against Dean’s chest, snaking his skinny arms around Dean. Dean chuckled and tried to get the moisture going in his suddenly dry mouth.

"You okay there Cas?" he mumbled against Cas’ hair and totally not sniffing him because Sam was sitting _right there_.

" Is he gonna die?" came the muffled answer and Dean shared a gaze with Sam, both smiling.

"I think he’s okay." Sam chirped. "Prolly just goin’ to jail."

Dean looked down in time to see Cas looking up at him with hopeful eyes. "Yeah?" he asked and Dean hugged him close once before getting up.

"Sure." He stated and turned off the TV before Cas could get any other ideas. "How about getting to bed?" he asked and Sam groaned. Dean turned around with his eyebrows raised, realizing the moment he looked at the boys that Sam was just complaining for the sake of complaining. The both of them looked exhausted. "Come on." He urged and the boys got up. "Today was a long day. It takes its toll playing Superman."

"I’d rather be Batman." Sam stated as they made their way to the bathroom.

"Yeah? He cooler?" Dean asked absentmindedly and opened the door for the boys.

"A little. Plus then Cas can be Robin." He beamed and Cas grinned so widely that Dean thought his head was going to split in two.

"Dork." Dean said fondly and Sam tried to retaliate but he already had his mouth full of toothpaste.

Dean realized what he had forgotten the moment they went into Sam’s room again. "Shit, Cas." He said and went to Sam’s drawers. "I don’t know if we have any PJ’s that’ll fit you."

"‘S okay." Cas answered where he stood by the bed Dean had made for him. "I usually sleep in the nude." He blushed a little when Sam giggled at him but Dean couldn’t fucking turn around. _Nude._ " Or in my boxers." Cas hastened to add and Dean finally composed himself enough to turn around.

"Boxers." Sam stated and Cas nodded, still a little red but smiling now.

The boys undressed and Dean did his very best not to stare at Cas’ lithe body. He was pale, much paler than Sam, and his body looked so slim that Dean just wanted to feed him something again. His dark hair stood in stark contrast to his complexion and his blue eyes were big and sparkling. And shit, his hips were so narrow, his little ass so tight that Dean felt his throat constrict. Dean had known for a long time that he was just as into guys as he was women but that was a whole other matter. Men were men but this was a _child_. He shook his head and tucked the boys in when they had climbed into their beds, just barely resisting the urge to bend down and kiss Cas’ forehead good night.

  


*********

  


As Dean lay in his bed, pointedly _not_ thinking about Cas and his squirming little body, he started hating himself more and more. Unfortunately, the self-deprecation did nothing to force his growing hard-on away. He lay on his back with his hands crossed over his chest, _on top_ of the covers, and did what he could to will his dick down. But Cas’ eyes kept swimming before him, even as he closed his own. The boy’s shy smile, the black hair almost as if made for pulling. Those high cheekbones, those hips, that ass. Fuck, Dean was getting into seriously dangerous territory. What the hell was wrong with him? Sure, he was between relationships and hadn’t gotten laid in a while so maybe that was a contributing factor. There was no doubt in Dean’s mind that he would have gotten in bed with Cas if the boy had just been a couple of years older and maybe his growing blue balls were just reacting a little prematurely?

But Dean couldn’t and wouldn’t accept this explanation. Unfortunately, his balls had a life of their own and he eventually lowered his hands down under the covers with a defeated groan. So he had gotten excited thinking about Cas, so what? It wasn’t like he was going to jerk off to the thought of Cas pressed up against him like he had been on the couch.

Except he totally was.

As Dean’s hand moved faster over his aching dick he could only think about Cas, unable to stop the images that floated through his mind. The way Cas had opened his legs to Dean in the bathroom was a special favorite and Dean threw the covers to the side to be able to spread his legs better. His cock was leaking profusely and he could already feel his balls creeping higher. On every other upstroke he would twist his wrist and flick his thumb over the slit and it made him moan lowly and arch his back. Shit, the build was almost painful after spending almost two hours in bed trying to deny himself this.

He was panting so loudly he almost didn’t hear the small knock on his door. Stilling immediately but with his hand still on his red dick, he turned his head to the bedroom door.

"Y-yeah?" he called, still unsure whether he had heard anything or not.

"Dean?"

Holy fucking shit, that was Cas. Cas was standing just outside of Dean’s door while Dean jerked off to the thought of him. How the hell long had he been standing there? Had he heard? Dean checked his breathing and thought maybe not. But what did he want? Dean’s concern for the boy kicked in and he withdrew his hand and threw his covers over his lap, sitting up and absentmindedly wiping his hand on the sheets.

"You can come in Cas." He answered and the door opened shortly after to reveal Cas standing there, illuminated by the night light Dean kept on in the hallway. He reached over and flicked on the light on his night stand. "Come here." He said and waved the boy over. "What’s wrong?"

Cas entered hesitantly and closed the door again before coming to stand beside Dean’s bed. "Nothing." He mumbled and looked down at the floor. God, had Dean’s orgasm really been interrupted by nothing? Why the hell wasn’t he angry? If this had been Sam he would have kicked the kid to the curb.

"Of course it’s not nothing." He said soothingly and patted the bed beside him. Cas didn’t even hesitate to crawl in and Dean was immediately and uncomfortably remembered of the orgasm that was still thrumming just beneath the surface. He made sure the covers were really bunched up around his waist. "Can’t sleep?" he asked and Cas nodded his head.

"No, it’s…" he looked down and fiddled with the sheets. Dean tried desperately to remember whether he had wiped his hand where Cas was sitting or not.

"Homesick?" he asked in a teasing voice, mostly to cover his own growing panic.

Cas looked up at him with eyes full of such emotion and a trembling little lip that Dean could do nothing but reach for the kid. "Yes." Cas admitted and allowed himself to be pulled up against Dean’s chest.

"It’s okay, Cas." Dean mumbled against the boy’s hair. "It’s different in the dark."

Cas’ hand curled into a fist against Dean’s chest, balling up Dean’s night tee and he was made aware that the kid was still basically naked. "Can I sleep in here?" Cas asked, sounding so small that Dean nodded his assent before he could stop himself.

What the hell?! Why the fuck had he agreed to that? He swallowed and prepared to take it back but when he pulled away he saw Cas’ happy face and he just couldn’t. It felt like there was nothing he wouldn’t give this child.

"Yeah." He said, his throat slightly constricted and Cas immediately balled himself up beside Dean. Dean gritted his teeth and spread the covers over them, relieved that his little panic attack seemed to have gotten rid of his hard-on. Well, most of it. God, the hum was still so fresh he thought maybe he should just get up and rub it out in the bathroom before trying to sleep. But then Cas’ fingers curled tentatively around Dean’s wrist under the covers.

"Thank you." Cas mumbled, sleepy already and Dean couldn’t fucking help it.

He reached over and brushed a stray lock from Cas’ forehead. "Sure kid." He mumbled and Cas released his wrist. Dean sighed and flicked the light switch, covering them in darkness.

  


*********

  


Dean awoke a while later. Well, he didn’t really know how much later but he noted blearily that he had actually managed to fall asleep, even with Cas and his intoxicating scent so close. He woke with a painful hard-on that any other time would be fun to take care of but now just made him groan.

He looked around in the dark room to see what had woken him but immediately figured it out when he felt the pressure against his side. Cas was snug up against him, one arm thrown over Dean’s chest and one leg over Dean’s thigh, just shy from brushing Dean’s dick. But that pressure was one thing. What _really_ caught his attention was the feeling of something hard rubbing against his hip. Hard and a little wet.

" Fuck." Dean mumbled and flung the covers off them only to discover what he had suspected; Cas’ little prick was hard and he was pressing it insistently against Dean. "Cas." Dean rasped and tried to turn enough to get a look on Cas’ face. The boy tightened his grip on Dean’s tee but Dean managed anyway and confirmed that the boy was still asleep. "Cas, wake up." He mumbled and lightly shook the boy’s shoulder. Cas was smoldering to the touch and he moaned brokenly when Dean’s movement put pressure on his dick. Dean bit his lower lip so hard he tasted blood.

"Mm?" Cas answered, starting to coming to when Dean shook him harder. "Dean?"

"Yeah, I’m here kid." Dean answered and finally managed to detach himself.

"I-I feel strange, Dean." Cas suddenly gasped and rolled onto his back. Fuck, was this Cas’ first time getting an erection?

"It’s okay Cas." Dean said, trying to sound reassuring and not like he was freaking out with how much he fucking needed to touch himself. "It happens."

Cas swallowed as he blinked himself into consciousness. "What happens?" he looked down then and saw his little boxers tenting obscenely. His turned his frightened eyes up at Dean and Dean had to bite his lip again. "Wha—" he interrupted himself with a loud moan when he put a hand on his dick, his head flung back against the pillows and Dean was breathing hard through his nose to control his breathing. Also to prevent himself from licking the boy’s taut neck.

"It’s okay, Cas." He said again, almost as if he was trying to reassure himself and why the fuck was he still in the bed? "It happens to all guys. You just touch it until it goes away."

"No, but Dean, I feel really strange." Cas said in a strangled voice and Dean licked his dry lips. "I feel so hot." He shivered despite his words and Dean couldn’t fucking take it.

"I’m hot too." He said abruptly and sat up to tear his tee over his head. "See? It’s just because we were sleeping in the same bed."

Cas was looking strangely at Dean’s exposed chest, as if he was examining it. Or maybe mapping it out. His little tongue poked out to lick his lips and fuck if that didn’t shoot straight to Dean’s neglected cock.

"But…" Cas looked down at his hand that still covered his dick. "I feel like I have to pee. But why is it hard like this…?"

Shit, this _really_ was Cas’ first time. Dean leaned down over him and put his hand on the waistband of Cas’ boxers. Cas immediately removed his own hand.

" It does." Dean agreed. "It does feel like that but it’s okay Cas."

"Dean." Cas looked at him with a trembling lip. "I can’t pee the bed, I’m too old."

Dean smiled reassuringly and pulled down the boxers. "It’s not pee, Cas." He said and looked down just as the boy’s little prick sprang free. Cas gasped and clutched at the sheets and Dean fucking lost his shit. This was wrong. You weren’t supposed to help little boys with their first masturbation but Dean’s mind had gone completely blank the moment he saw Cas’ dick. It was small, sure, but it stood proudly between the boy’s slightly spread legs. His balls were round and hairless, tight up against his body.

Dean pulled the boxers off the rest of the way and reached out a trembling hand. The head was already smeared with pre-come and when Dean rubbed his thumb against it he felt the foreskin roll down easily.

"Look at that." He mumbled as Cas gasped and arched his back. "The skin’s already peeling down so beautifully." He looked up at Cas’ face but didn’t find the blissed out expression he was hoping for. Rather, Cas looked quite pained. "Relax, Cas." He said soothingly and gripped the boy’s dick in a loose fist. "Look at what I am doing, you should be able to do this yourself." He stared jerking slightly and Cas bucked up against him.

"But Dean." He moaned and his voice got so deep that Dean’s dick jumped and leaked out more pre-come than Dean wanted to admit. "I-I’m gonna pee."

"Sch." Dean soothed. "It’s not pee. Just let go Cas." He leaned down and brushed his lips against the boy’s sweaty forehead. "Relax for me baby boy." He mumbled and Cas was bucking furiously now, his little hands gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles were turning white. "It’s not healthy to hold it in, you need to do this. Relax."

"D-Dean."

"Do it baby." Dean urged and unconsciously rubbed his own dick down onto the bed. "Let go."

"N-no." Cas moaned but a second later his whole body pulled taut and his little dick jumped in Dean’s careful hold, spraying Cas’ stomach and chest with a white liquid.

Dean smiled proudly and continued to jerk for a little while as Cas came down from the high. "There we go." He mumbled against Cas’ hair and cradled the boy to him with his other hand.

"No, but Dean." Cas said, his voice sounding wrecked and it still had that desperate edge to it and it made Dean look down. Cas was staring at him with frightened eyes and Dean’s heart froze. Fuck. What the hell had he done? This… this was statutory rape. But Cas wasn’t trying to fight Dean off. On the contrary, he was clinging like hell to Dean and trembling in his arms.

"What, Cas?" he made himself ask, trying not to think about what a horrible person he was. Especially since his fucking hard-on hadn’t diminished in the least.

"I-I can’t h-hold it."

Dean blinked confusedly. "What?" he looked down to his hand that was still on Cas’ dick and just as he looked the dick jumped in his hand, spilling a few drops of what Dean clearly knew wasn’t spunk. "Shit, Cas, do you really need to pee?" he asked disbelievingly and Cas whined as he pressed closer to Dean, burying his head against his chest. Suddenly this made much more sense. Of course a little kid like Cas wouldn’t know about orgasms but he sure as hell could still get hard from the pressing need to void his bladder. And he had been telling Dean this, _the whole time_. Dean had just been so caught up in his own desires that he didn’t realized. He had just jerked off a minor and he couldn’t even claim it was for educational purposes. Cas’ pained expression had been because he was holding his pee in, not because of confusion. Fuck, Dean was amazed the boy actually had managed to come at all.

Cas’ body spasmed as a bigger squirt of pee burst out of his dick. "Dean." He gasped. "I-I can’t."

"Fuck." Dean breathed, feeling not only stupid but incredibly mean that he hadn’t listened. With only a minimal amount of panic he gathered Cas in his arms and stumbled out of the bed, carrying the boy bridal style.

Cas moaned brokenly and cradled his leaking dick as he curled up against Dean’s chest. Even after what Dean just had done he apparently trusted Dean and it made Dean’s heart constrict.

"It’s okay Cas." He mumbled and clumsily got the door open. "Almost at the bathroom." He could feel Cas’ body jerk and he knew more and more pee was escaping but the boy did one hell of a job keeping it in.

Just inside of the bathroom door Dean stopped to flick on the lights. He closed the door and thanked God that Sam was a sound sleeper but suddenly Cas gasped and drew his attention back to the boy. Cas had looked up and seen the toilet and that had apparently done him in.

He pressed his hand against his crotched and shook his head. "No, no, no." He mumbled in desperation but Dean could feel the boy’s pee rushing over them both now, hot and fast.

Dean reacted fast as lightning by jumping into the shower, sliding the door shut behind him. Something possessed him not to put Cas down — maybe it was the way the boy was clutching at him or maybe it was the perversely nice feeling of Cas’ dick releasing against him — and he turned Cas up to have them pressed chest to chest, one hand resting on Cas’ head as the boy hid his face against Dean’s neck and one hand under Cas’ bottom to hold the boy against him. Cas cradled in, his legs wrapping around Dean’s waist and his hands in fists against Dean’s chest as his little dick kept on releasing the steady flow of pee between them.

Cas was crying, probably humiliated to death, his whole body spasming as he hiccupped against Dean.

"‘S okay baby boy." Dean murmured against Cas’ head. "Just a little pee, ‘s okay." He leaned back against the cold tile and looked up at the ceiling, trying very hard not to enjoy the feeling of Cas losing control. Especially Cas losing control all over him. Fuck, he had never been into pee-play before but this… With Cas like this…

Rivulets of pee was snaking down Dean’s body and when he released Cas’ head to take a firm grip of the boy’s thigh the motion made Cas buck against him and the pee that had accumulated between them sloshed and spilled down, drenching Dean’s crotch. He swallowed hard when he felt the warm liquid outline his painful erection. This shouldn’t feel this good but fuck if he was denying that it did. He let the hand on Cas’ thigh travel down to his painful dick, squeezing once. Goddamnit all to hell. "Such a good baby boy." he mumbled, barely coherent to himself anymore but Cas just pressed closer. "So good Cas."

Fuck, with Cas’ dick pressed against his stomach and Cas’ bare ass cheeks in his hand Dean could do nothing but breathe hard through his nose and accept the orgasm as it ripped free. He needed only a squeeze or two before his body jerked once and he emptied himself in his boxers.

Cas sighed as his bladder finally was empty and then he turned his head up to look at Dean’s flushed face. "I’m sorry." He said in such a small voice that Dean wanted to shoot himself.

"No, Cas." He said and tried smiling down at the boy. It was shaky. "_I’m_ sorry. I didn’t listen."

Cas’ bright blue eyes were still wet with tears. "Don’t tell Sam." He whispered and Dean nodded.

"This is our secret, no one will ever know." To his relief, Cas nodded and put his head back on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean waited for a little while to calm himself and then he reached over to turn on the shower. The water burst out, cold at first and Cas shied away from it but refused to let go of Dean. He seemed content to sit in Dean’s arms and Dean couldn’t find it in his heart to put the boy down. Not after what he had done to him. It didn’t matter that Cas hadn’t understood and that he hadn’t noticed Dean creaming his own underwear as Cas peed himself all over Dean. Dean was still guilty and he suspected he would never live this down.

Ridding himself of his own boxers with Cas still in his arms was a little difficult but he managed. He then plucked the nozzle from the hanger and sat down on the floor in the shower, cleaning himself and Cas as Cas rested against him, his eyes drooping with every second.

"There, all better." Dean mumbled after a while when he realized he wasn’t as much cleaning anymore as using the situation to touch Cas. Cas seemed to like it though and Dean had to physically hurt himself to keep from getting another boner with Cas naked and pressed up against him while Dean, too, was completely naked.

"I’m sorry." Cas mumbled again, his cheeks red. Probably mostly from the hot water but Dean suspected also a little from humiliation.

"Hey." He grabbed Cas’ chin and forced the boy to look at him. "We all have accidents, okay? It’s okay baby." Yeah, he really needed to stop it with that nickname.

But Cas just nodded and when they got out of the shower he let himself down and stood obediently as Dean toweled him off. Why the hell he didn’t let Cas dry himself was yet another mystery Dean probably would never be able to answer.

"Let’s go get your boxers and get you to bed, huh?"

Cas nodded with his eyes downcast and held tightly onto Dean’s arm when Dean led him back to his bedroom.

As he put Cas down onto the bed in Sam’s room he bent down and kissed Cas’ forehead. And maybe the kiss lasted a little too long and maybe Dean licked his lips before he went to sleep to see if any of Cas’ taste was left. If he did, it was his own business.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Selected pieces of this fanfiction is now available in Chinese! Read it [here](http://weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404096570558652163) and give _all_ the credit to the wonderful [InnocentDays](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InnocentDays/pseuds/InnocentDays), who not only was the one to approach me about translating this but also was the one to do it (the only Chinese I know is what Google Translate tells me).   
>  Thank you so much, InnocentDays! <3


	2. The water park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some family fun time! And of course the fucking up continues because Dean Winchester everybody.

  
  


Dean was in the kitchen when the boys finally woke up, making coffee and breakfast and trying very hard not to think about the fact that he’d slept as soundly as a baby, even after desecrating a child’s innocence.

The boys fooled around a little in Sam’s room, laughing loudly and Dean heard a bang at some point but he didn’t bother with it, instead opting to flip the pancakes. His anxiety levels were high when the boys finally bounced into the kitchen but when he turned around he found them both smiling at him. Man, Cas looked so open and happy that Dean’s heart nearly dropped. He didn’t really permit himself to feel relief about the fact that Cas didn’t seem to mind what had happened but he came damn near close.

"Sleep well?" he asked, his back half-turned as he plated the pancakes.

"Yeah." Sam exclaimed and seated himself.

When Dean turned around he saw Cas nodding. "Very." He boy answered a little shyly and Dean tried not to drop the plates. He really needed to get his reactions under control but shit, Cas just looked so goddamn cute with that secret smile Dean wasn’t sure was his imagination or not.

"Eat up." He said instead and put a plate in front of each boy, stacked high with pancakes.

Sam squealed happily and reached for the chocolate syrup but Cas just stared, his eyes wide like saucers. "Pancakes for breakfast?" he asked, his voice nearly reverent and Dean shared a smile with Sam.

"Yeah, don’t you like it?" Sam asked, his chin already smeared with syrup.

"I do." Cas breathed and smiled like such a dork that Dean couldn’t help ruffle his bed head. Cas lifted his fork and dug in happily. "We never get to eat sweets for breakfast at home." He stated and stuffed his mouth so full that his cheeks budged out. Dean sniggered at him and sipped his coffee.

"What _do_ you eat?" Sam asked between mouthfuls.

Cas chewed and swallowed carefully before he answered, unlike Sam. Man, Dean should really have done a better job raising Sam but fuck if he cared. He loved his little brother just as he was. "Like bacon and eggs and stuff." Cas said and went back to his pancakes.

Sam nodded. "We eat that too sometimes, on the weekdays. Dean works all week and I go to school but on the weekends we get to have fun together." He smiled happily and Dean nodded before downing the last of his coffee and getting up to put the cup away. "Don’t you want something on that?" he heard Sam asking and when he turned back he saw that Sam was pointing to Cas’ pancakes and Cas was looking at them as if he hadn’t even considered it.

"You don’t have to." Dean said and Cas looked between the brothers as if he couldn’t decide. Or as if he was afraid to ask. It was a sickeningly sweet and a little sad look all at the same time.

"I don’t know." He answered uncertainly but Sam wasn’t deterred.

"We have chocolate syrup, and regular syrup, and I think honey, and—"

"You have honey?" Cas asked and his expression was so hopeful and awed that Dean was prepared to commit suicide if they didn’t have it.

"I think so." He mumbled and went to the pantry. It took him a while but way in the back he found a glass jar of honey. To his great relief it wasn’t outdated and he put it on the table together with a spoon, smiling slightly at the way Cas’ eyes lit up.

Cas ate more honey than anything else — honey with a side order of pancakes, so to speak — and his happy humming made Dean’s heart thump harder and his stomach clench.

"So, what are we doing today?" Sam asked when he was done cleaning his plate. Cas was still sucking on the spoon he used to eat the honey directly from the jar with.

Dean shrugged. "What do you want to do?"

Sam looked thoughtful. "Last weekend we went fishing." He informed Cas and Cas looked like he had never heard that you could do that just on the spur of the moment.

"You did?"

"Yeah." Sam smiled at Cas’ wondrous expression. "You should come next time."

"I…" Cas looked down at the honey jar. "Really?"

"Sure! Right, Dean?" Sam asked and Dean wasn’t really prepared for Cas’ shockingly blue eyes looking at him like that.

"Y-yeah." He answered and tried to look nonchalant by shrugging. "I mean, if you want. Sam sucks at fishing, though, he just throws them back in."

Sam frowned and Dean kept his gaze glued to his little brother. No fucking way he was looking at Cas’ pleased expression right now. Cas looked like he was about to cry at being allowed to enter the Winchesters’ family fun day. And Dean got that, a little. If it had been anyone else of Sam’s friends he would never take them with. Not that they weren’t nice kids and all but these weekend excursions were for him and his little brother, the only goddamn time they could bond. But Cas… Cas just fit right in and it had nothing to do with Dean’s apparent fascination with the boy, nothing _at all_. Besides, Sam had never once asked if anyone else could join them. Not Bobby, whom he loved like a second — better — father and not that girl Jess Dean secretly thought Sam kind of liked. But Cas he invited without a second thought and who the hell was Dean to say no anyways? Wasn’t like he was some kind of asshole or something.

" They _suffer_ Dean. It’s inhumane."

Dean rolled his eyes. "You’re too young to know that word. Besides, trout is fucking delicious."

"I know that, we can buy it in the supermarket."

"Yeah, ‘cuz _those_ fishes haven’t suffered _at all_."

" I love trout." Cas suddenly piped up and both Sam and Dean turned to him. He was looking between the brothers with an anxious face and Dean wondered if he thought they were fighting for real. Sam apparently thought so too because he smiled brightly and clapped Cas on his scrawny shoulder that Dean absolutely did not remember hugging as Cas came down from his orgasm last night.

"Then you should try it the way Dean makes it."

Dean nodded when Cas looked at him, already more relaxed. "Yeah, I’m a regular Masterchef. Anyway," he pushed himself to his feet and started gathering the dishes. "What are we doing today, Sammy?"

Sam sat in silence for a moment while Dean cleaned. He let Cas keep the spoon to carve out the last of what little honey had been in the jar. Dean had never known anyone who ate honey straight out of the jar but looking at Cas licking his lips made his knees weak so he didn’t comment on it.

"Oh, I know!" Sam exclaimed suddenly, jumping to his feet and startling Cas. Cas coughed a little and Dean patted him on the back before he could stop himself. Cas’ shaking body felt so goddamn nice that he had to snatch his hand away. Thankfully none of the boys noticed. "Let’s go to the water park!"

Dean frowned in thought. The water park cost money and he was still two weeks short of the next paycheck. But he supposed it was fine, the fridge was well-stocked and the car was not running low on gas. It _was_ fine, he decided as he looked at Sam’s hopeful face. They would just do something free next weekend.

" Sure." He said and Sammy squealed in happiness.

"You should come too, Cas!" he said and dragged Cas to his feet. "Ruby said they have a new slide and we can go in the wave pool and—"

"Hold on." Dean held up a hand to stop his brother and both boys looked at him. Fuck, they both looked so expectant. "I told Michael I was driving Cas home today. He needs to get back to his brothers." Oh, goddamnit it all to fucking hell. Sam looked disappointed but like he understood. Cas, however, looked heartbroken and Dean’s stomach dropped. "But… But I guess we could ask Michael or something…" he added in a mutter. The boys livened up again immediately and yeah, that was the kind of face he wanted to see on them.

"Really?" Sam asked and Dean shrugged.

"We’d have to go to Cas’ house for his swimming trunks anyway, no harm done in asking."

"I’ll go pack!" Sam shouted and ran out of the kitchen. To Dean’s dismay Cas didn’t follow him. Instead he looked at his friend’s retreating back and when they were alone he walked up to Dean, much closer than need be in the small kitchen.

"Are you sure it’s okay?" he asked, looking up at Dean under his lashes and fuck, was he even aware?

Dean thought of a hundred ways this was so not okay. He’d just met the boy the other night, not even 24 hours earlier. He didn’t know him, Cas didn’t know Dean. _Michael_ didn’t know Dean. And the way Cas would look in just his swimming trunks, all wet and slick… No, this was most definitely not okay.

He ruffled Cas hair affectionately. "Of course."

  


*********

  


Sam let Cas sit shotgun in the Impala and that in itself should have told Dean that Sam was really into his new friend. But Cas just looked so impressed with Baby that Dean couldn’t help showing her off and apparently Sam thought the same. Cas let out a little squeal when her engine rumbled to life, halfway between happy and surprised and he turned his big blue eyes up at Dean.

Dean chuckled. "Wait ‘til she gets warm." He said and had to smile when Cas couldn’t seem to stop touching the car. The dashboard, the door handle, the seats, the stick. He gasped when he saw that.

"It’s not an automatic?" he asked, his eyes full of wonder and Dean snorted before shifting her into gear and pulling out of the parking lot.

"Of course not, this is not a toy."

Yeah, Cas really needed to stop looking at Dean as if he was the coolest person alive. Fuck, didn’t he even remember last night? Or had everything horrible that Dean had done been erased by the humiliation of peeing himself? Dean kind of wanted that to be true but he wasn’t so sure.

He floored it when he got on a straight piece of road and wiped Cas’ awed expression off only to replace it with shock and then glee. Cas and Sam laughed loudly as Dean sped well past the limit, just for the heck of it, the boys’ happy laughter chiming in his ears.

  


*********

  


The house they eventually pulled up outside after Cas’ excellent directions looked like a freaking mansion and both Winchesters turned amazed stares at Cas, who fidgeted slightly.

"What?"

"_This_ is where you live?" Sam asked incredulously and Cas shrugged.

" Yeah?"

"Dude, your parents must be loaded." Dean breathed and looked up and down the street. Yeah, this was definitely the nicer parts of Sioux Falls and he felt incredibly out of place just sitting here. Baby was like a black splotch in the otherwise pastel surroundings and Dean could practically feel the housewives glaring at them from behind their laced curtains.

Cas rolled his eyes. "Come on." He sighed and got out of the car.

Sam and Dean followed him up a perfectly trimmed lawn that Dean suspected no one in the house had ever touched. That was the kind of job reserved for the likes of Dean and he frowned at the neatly kept bushes at the side of the porch, as if this was their fault. What the hell were they even doing here? But then suddenly Cas glanced back at Dean and quirked his lips in a little half-smile and Dean’s heart swelled. Cas looked as if he was as uncertain of them being here as they were but maybe not for the same reasons. As Cas pulled the door open Dean thought that maybe this was yet another thing Cas got teased for. Kids who don’t have a lot can be just as big dicks as those who do and Dean thought maybe the few kids Cas had tried to befriend had been scared away by this. Not Sam and Dean though, nope. Dean put a hand on Sam’s shoulder as they entered the huge hall inside, more to steady himself than his brother.

"Michael?" Cas called and toed off his shoes. The hall was wide and opened up into a lush living room to the left. Right in front of them was a round table with a vase filled with the biggest bouquet that Dean had ever seen and beyond that was a staircase and possibly a hallway leading further into the first floor. "Gabe?"

A boy appeared from the right, a lollipop in his mouth and his hair tousled in a way that reminded of Cas’ but not really. He had whisky-colored eyes and he smiled widely when he saw the three of them standing there just inside the door.

"Cassie!" he exclaimed, his eyes gleaming. "The wayward son returns."

Cas rolled his eyes, clearly embarrassed by what Dean supposed was his brother. "Whatever, Gabe. Where’s Mikey?"

"I’m fine, thank you for asking." Gabriel said and casually leaned against the wall. "And thank you for the introduction."

Cas blushed furiously and Dean instantly felt sorry for him. Brotherly banter aside, Dean didn’t want Cas uncomfortable, ever. He stepped towards the boy and extended his hand.

"I’m Dean and this is Sam. I’m sorry you had to worry about your brother."

Gabriel shook his hand while openly giving Dean an appreciative look. "Well," he all but purred and Dean withdrew his hand with a frown. "We sure were glad to hear you’d saved him."

"Actually," Dean cleared his throat and pushed Sam in front of him like a shield. "It was Sam that fought the bullies off."

Gabriel’s eyes instantly zoned in on Sam and Dean regretted putting his brother out there. "Well, well, well." Gabriel shook Sam’s hand firmly and Sam looked at him like he was a curious sort of animal. "Ain’t this day just full of sweet surprises?"

Dean was just about to open his mouth to cut the boy off, mortified to hear anyone call Sam sweet in that tone but he was interrupted when an older boy descended the stairs.

"Cassie!" the boy called and they all turned to him. "Are you okay?" he was frowning and it deepened when he saw the little cut on Cas’ lip but Cas nodded.

"Yeah, I’m fine Mike." He turned back to gesture at the rest of them. "This is Sam and Dean."

Michael looked up as if surprised to see someone else standing there and Dean suddenly got the uncomfortable feeling that maybe this Richie Rich would think that Dean expected some kind of compensation for taking care of Cas. He didn’t want anyone think that, ever.

But Michael just took a step forwards and eagerly shook Dean’s hand. "Thank you." He said passionately and Dean couldn’t help relaxing. Maybe he was the one with the prejudices here. He had been looked down upon for so long that he sometimes didn’t know how to act.

"No problem man." He mumbled and was glad when Michael shook Sam’s hand briefly too.

"No, really." Michael said and put a hand affectionately on Cas’ head. "Not many would have helped like you did. I hope it wasn’t too much trouble with him sleeping over?"

Dean got an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. What would this straight lace say if he knew what Dean had done to his brother during the night? Would probably skin him alive, Dean thought.

Gabriel snorted and brought Dean out of his thoughts. "Yeah, sleeping over at _these_ guys’ would be a real hassle, wouldn’t it?"

Dean wanted to misinterpret that and be offended but he just couldn’t. Not with the way Gabriel was eyeing him. He coughed and turned back to Michael who was looking at his little brother angrily.

"No trouble at all, Cas is an easy house guest."

Cas beamed at him and Dean tried not to look at the boy for fear of exposing his feelings. Cas and Sam was one thing but both Gabriel and Michael were obviously old enough not to be fooled should Dean accidentally look at Cas the wrong way. He was distracted when Gabriel piped up again.

"We all had a good upbringing." He smirked and Dean pulled Sam closer to himself.

" _Anyway_ ," Michael interrupted. "Thank you for bringing him home."

Dean just shook his head. "Nothing to thank me about."

"We’re going to the water park!" Cas suddenly exclaimed and Dean had to work very hard to suppress the blush that wanted to creep up his cheeks when Michael turned his eyes on him. Fuck, the kid was younger than him but he felt like such a teenager with Michael’s eyes boring into his. At least he knew where Cas got his intense stare from, even if the feeling when the older brother looked at Dean wasn’t even a quarter as pleasant.

He swallowed. "Well, _me and Sam_ are." He tried to elaborate without sounding like a complete fool. " And the boys kinda wanted to have a play date so…"

There was a silence in the hall and it made Dean incredibly nervous but Gabriel broke it with a giggle before it got to the point where Dean wanted to bolt.

"You have a _date_ , Cassie?" he sniggered and Cas glared angrily at him.

"Don’t call me that."

"Well." Michael started before what was obviously an old argument could reopen and his tone of voice made Cas look at him with pleading eyes. In the corner of his eye, Dean could see Gabriel catching his brothers’ reactions.

"I wanna go to the water park too!" Gabriel all but yelled and Michael turned to stare at him in shock.

"What?"

Gabriel shrugged. "I haven’t been for ages and if Cas is going I’m going too." He popped the lollipop back into his mouth with a smirk and Dean realized what he had done for his little brother when Michael’s shoulders sagged a little.

 _Kudos_ , he thought and looked at Gabriel with new appreciation.

"I-I guess we can go." Michael sighed and Dean wanted to protest that he didn’t have to but with Gabriel tagging along he wasn’t so sure he could handle it. He wasn’t that used to taking care of children and even though Gabriel was older than Sam and Cas he was still a kid and three of them running around was maybe pushing it. He looked at Michael apologetically though.

"Sorry dude." He said and really felt it too but Michael just looked down at his brothers’ smiling faces and sighed again.

"It’s fine. Come on Cas, we’ll go pack."

Cas ran quickly up the stairs and his brother followed more slowly, plucking his cell phone out of his back pocket. Dean watched them go and then turned to Gabriel who was still smirking.

"So, water park?" Gabriel stated and sucked languidly at his lolly.

"Yeah." Sam said excitedly and Gabriel immediately looked down at him. "They have a new slide."

Gabriel laughed and it sounded relaxed, sounded a little like Cas’ laugh and the tension in Dean’s shoulders eased a bit. "Now I’m _really_ glad I’m going."

" You didn’t have to, you know." Dean said and it sounded a bit more irritated than he had intended.

Gabriel’s whisky-colored eyes fixated on Dean’s and yeah, all three brothers had that stare. "Oh, but I did. You may not know Michael but I do, he wasn’t going to let Cas come along on his own."

Dean nodded. "Yeah, I kind of got that. Guess it was pushing it a little considering we just met."

Gabriel licked his lips and Dean averted his eyes, uncomfortable with the teen’s stare. "A little." He admitted but then shrugged. "But I’m glad, Cas needs to get out more." He looked down at Sam again. "Needs friends."

" _We’re_ his friends." Sam stated firmly and happily and Gabriel gave him what Dean suspected was his first genuine smile.

" I bet."

  


*********

  


" That’s _your_ car?!" Gabriel screamed when they nearly half an hour later walked out to the Impala, fully packed and ready to go. He practically flailed as he ran up to Baby.

" Um, yeah." Dean mumbled and unlocked the doors for the boys to clamber in. This time there was no nonsense, Sam was already in shotgun by the time Cas climbed in but the black-haired boy seemed perfectly content sitting in the back and something about having Cas sitting behind Dean made him seriously nervous.

Gabriel peeked inside quickly before giving Michael a bitch-face worthy of competing with Sam’s. "Yeah, I’m riding in this car."

Michael rolled his eyes. "Only if it’s okay with De—"

"Fuck you and your _Prius_." Gabriel hissed and climbed in after Cas, both brothers gleefully examining the car while Sam chatted on about it. Sam was about as proud of it as Dean and Dean supposed it was because it was the only gift that dad had given Dean that the old man hadn’t later fucked up. It reminded them of home, more than any apartment ever could.

" Sorry." Dean said to Michael who just stood beside him with a shocked expression. If the guy drove a Prius Dean was sure he thought Dean’s Baby was the worst atrocity in the world and to have his own brother chose that over him would probably be hard.

Michael just shook his head. "As long as he doesn’t trouble you." He mumbled and opened the garage port with a portable switch Dean wasn’t the least bit envious of. "It’s probably better like this anyway, I have to go pick up my girlfriend first."

"Oh?" Dean cocked an eyebrow at him. "She coming too?" this was turning out to be a regular field trip but for some reason Dean found himself okay with that. Usually it was just him and Sammy but this… this felt unexpectedly nice too.

"Yeah." Michael looked away and blushed slightly, looking his age for the first time since Dean met him. "We were kind of going on a date today."

Dean instantly frowned when he realized he had inadvertently cock-blocked the dude. "Ouch, sorry mate." He mumbled and Michael shook his head again.

"It’s fine. She seemed eager to go to the park." He frowned too, suddenly. "Very eager, actually. And everyone else is too so it’s fine."

Man, Dean could really relate to this kid. He was just about to say something comforting when Gabriel poked his head out the window.

"Come _on_." He barked. " You’re so slow I can practically feel the hair growing on my balls."

Cas and Sam laughed loudly and even Dean sniggered but Michael just scowled angrily at his brother. Gabriel wasn’t deterred, though, he just smirked and got back into the car.

"I’ll meet you there." Michael said to Dean, clearly still upset with his brother so Dean just nodded once and got into the Impala.

  


*********

  


Just as Dean had suspected, this was a horrible idea. Michael was nice, Gabriel was funny, Michael’s girlfriend Naomi was upper-class but clearly very cheerful, Sam was a ball of excitement and Cas looked _fucking delicious_. He couldn’t even look at the boy properly. Cas was wearing goddamn speedos that barely covered anything and Dean had choked at the sight of them on his skinny hips. He had wanted to crack a joke, to laugh, to do fucking anything to keep his composure but he just couldn’t.

Okay, so Gabriel wore near identical speedos but fuck if they looked even half as good on him as Cas did in his. Maybe it had been the late night, maybe it had been the distress of the situation but Dean felt as if he had forgotten what Cas had looked like in the dark and in the shower; as if he was seeing him for the first time now. The fluorescent light of the locker room just made every angle, every ridge, every mole stand out so clearly that Dean had to go into the bathroom and drink some fucking water to get the dryness out of his mouth. Shit, this was _not_ going to work.

No one laughed when Cas pulled his speedos on — Dean was careful to have his back turned when the boy got naked — but when Gabriel wriggled into his Sam burst out guffawing.

"Don’t like my suit?" Gabriel asked teasingly and flaunted his tight ass. Sam laughed harder and pushed him away.

"Why do you even wear those?" Sam giggled and Dean could see Cas glancing at him but Gabriel just scoffed.

"I’ll have you know I was in the swimming team and I’m _not_ getting into any kind of pool in something as bulky as _that_." He stated and pointed at Sam’s trunks. Sam just grinned and poked his tongue out.

" Really?" Dean asked and gave the boy a once over. Sure he seemed lithe and a little toned but Dean would never have guessed. Michael sighed behind him and Dean turned to the older brother.

"That was five years ago and he only went to one meet." He shook his head. "He even convinced Cassie to go too."

"You did? Were you in a team too?" Sam asked as they gathered their towels and headed out into the park. Cas nodded shyly and Dean thought it was so cute how the boy didn’t like to brag about himself that he felt nauseated by his own feelings.

"Only for a little."

"Yeah, but you were better than Gabe." Michael snorted and waved when he saw Naomi waiting for them. She waved back and started heading in their direction. "You shouldn’t have quit."

"Why did you?" Dean asked but Cas just shrugged so they all kind of dropped it when Naomi came over and told them about the sun loungers she had managed to score for them. They followed her eagerly but Dean slowed down a little when he felt a small hand in his. Looking down he was surprised to see Cas clutching at him.

"They teased me." Cas said lowly so that only Dean heard, his head bowed and Dean squeezed his hand.

"Who?" Someone here? Dean wanted to kick their asses. He looked around.

"The kids at the swimming team." Cas mumbled. "My speedos were another brand and they teased me for it and pushed me in the pool. They called me rich boy and pulled my hair in the shower."

Fucking hell, Dean was suddenly so mad he was shaking. He knelt down and put his hands on Cas’ shoulders.

"You know what, Cas?" he said and the boy looked at him with big round eyes. "Fuck ‘em. I’m glad you quit the team, now they never get to piggy back on your potential. Let them struggle for themselves. You’re better than they could ever be." That was not what he had wanted to say. He had wanted to give Cas an inspiring speech about not giving up. About entering another team and train so hard that he beat all those fuckers at their own game. But that was a speech he would have given Sam and this was so not Sam. Sam he wanted to help grow and expand, this kid he wanted to shield and protect. Goddamnit, it was so irrational for him to be thinking like this, especially about someone he barely knew! Well, he supposed he had soon crossed the 24 hour-mark so that was at least something, right?

Cas smiled at him and it was so dazzling that Dean nearly looked away. "You think so?" he asked and Dean squeezed his shoulders once before getting up and taking the boys hand in his to lead him after the others.

"I know so."

  


*********

  


It was over an hour later before Dean was finally beginning to relax. They had gone on the slide first thing and Cas had been so scared — but so utterly determined not to show it in front of his new friend — that Dean had let him ride the slide with him. That had been a struggle. Sitting with Cas sitting between his spread legs, his rump pressed up against Dean’s crotch? Yeah, not ideal. But Michael and Gabriel had already gone down and it wasn’t until Sammy had flung himself down the chute that Cas had said that he was too scared. What the hell had Dean been supposed to do? Afterwards he alternated between sitting in the hot tub and flinging himself into the regular pool to let the cold shocks beat his hard-on away. It had worked, sort of.

Michael had later taken all three boys to the wave pool and Dean had stayed back, sun bathing with Naomi and getting to know her a bit. She seemed nice, in that coolly polite way some up-town girls were but he sensed no judgement from her when he corrected her when she called Sam his son. She just nodded and Dean suspected she was kind of used to it with the way Michael was with his own brothers.

When the sun got the better of him he swam out a bit in the adventure part of the park, enjoying the stretch and lazily exploring the layout. He hadn’t been here for ages and he was actually starting to feel glad Sam had suggested it. The park had slides and all kinds of water related attractions, including a kind of hop-tower Dean wouldn’t go near to save his life. The adventure part was dotted with plants and obviously shaped to look like a river in the Amazon and Dean was actually impressed. Swimming languidly he noticed several caverns and waterfalls, some of which seemed to have little grottos behind them. Curious, he dove through one of the waterfalls and found himself in a small cave that seemed strangely secluded in the open water park. The sound from the rushing waterfall drowned out other sounds from the outside so that in here it seemed almost intimate. Even the sounds from the waterfall seemed less in here. It was pretty dark but little lamps were worked into the ceiling, looking kind of like stars and Dean smirked, thinking he really should tell Michael about this so that he could finally drag Naomi into the water with a good excuse.

He dove back out and rubbed his eyes free of water when he emerged, completely soaked. It felt nice, the sun was beating down on them and the water was pleasantly cool. Dean smiled to himself and started swimming aimlessly. Yeah, this had been a great idea after all.

"Dean."

Dean stopped to look around but couldn’t see anyone. When a small hand grabbed his arm he nearly jumped out of his skin. He whirled around, getting to his feet completely so that the water only reached his lower chest.

"Cas!" he exclaimed when he saw who it was, taking the boy’s little hand in his. "Jesus, you scared me."

"I’m sorry." Cas said with a shaky voice and boy did he look sorry too. "I saw you going behind the waterfall."

"Yeah, I found—wait." He scowled down at the boy. "Why are you here alone? Where’s Michael?"

Cas practically moaned at that and Dean startled. He looked around quickly to determine that they were indeed alone and when he looked back at Cas he noticed that the boy’s unoccupied hand was clutching at his crotch. Cas had his eyes downcast now and his cheeks were red from blushing. Dean’s dick did _not_ react when suppressed memories flooded his mind.

" I-I needed to go to the bathroom." He looked up at Dean with pleading eyes. "I thought I knew the way, I told Mike he didn’t have to come with me."

Dean nodded, quickly catching up to the situation. "Yeah, okay. You got lost."

"Yeah."

Dean’s hand was shaking slightly when he put it on the boy’s head. "It’s okay. Everybody pees in the pool."

Cas’ eyes rounded out at that and he blushed so hard Dean thought he ought to get a head rush. "O-out in the open?" he whispered and shifted a little from side to side as best he could with the water coming up to his chin.

Okay, Dean realized, this wasn’t going to work. "Shit, Cas." He mumbled and looked around himself. Cas just moaned pitifully again and clung to Dean’s hand even as he grabbed at his little penis.

"Dean… It’s… I…"

"Yeah." Dean breathed and his eyes fell on the waterfall. His dick twitched with how good of an idea that felt like. "Come here baby." He mumbled and took a firm hold on Cas’ upper arm.

Cas gasped when Dean started dragging him over, just letting himself float behind Dean. Judging from his pained expression he was having a hard time keeping it together and Dean didn’t even want to think about how his own body was reacting to all this.

"Hold your breath." He instructed and then proceeded with dragging Cas straight through the waterfall. Well inside the boy gasped for air but then his breath hitched and when Dean looked over at him he saw Cas’ expression change from pained to horrified and he looked down at the boy’s crotch.

"Oh no." Cas whispered and even though Dean couldn’t see anything he knew this was it.

"It’s okay." Dean mumbled, his favorite catch phrase of late, apparently. Cas was shaking now and those were definitely tears and not just water on his cheeks. "Come here." He said again and dragged Cas to the wall farthest from the waterfall. Well over there he noticed ledges where they could sit and he sank down on one high enough that his upper body was left exposed. Maneuvering Cas was easy in the water but Cas shook his head slightly when Dean dragged him onto his lap.

"No, I’m gonna pee on you." He said with a sob and Dean tried smiling confidently even as his dick throbbed painfully.

"I don’t mind Cas." He said and pulled the boy’s hand away. "Relax. You shouldn’t hold it in." He pushed a little at Cas’ lower stomach and that did the trick.

Cas’ eyes shot open and he arched his back with a hiss as his bladder gave in. "Dean." He moaned and balled his hands into fists against Dean’s chest. "Feels so good." He was still crying slightly, probably from humiliation, but it seemed the nice sensation of emptying his bladder was winning over that.

"Yeah?" Dean asked, his voice wavering, wishing Cas wasn’t still half submerged. This way he didn’t get to see and couldn’t really feel, and Dean was in this moment well past the point of caring how wrong it was of him to want that. Plus Cas was dangerously close to Dean’s erection. He gathered the boy’s legs and pushed him to rest his knees on the ledge just above the one Dean was sitting on. This way he got Cas’ crotch at chest level and fuck, Dean had long since stopped thinking with his upstairs brain.

"No, but Dean, you’ll get—"

"Sch, Cas." Dean soothed and waited until all that was dripping down on him clearly was pee. "You shouldn’t keep your dick confined when you do this." He gently prodded the tight speedo down and the little gasp that Cas let out as his dick sprung free shot directly down Dean’s spine. Cas was half-hard, the little head already poking out of the foreskin and the pee flooded fast from the tip. "There we go, better?" Dean asked and leaned in to kiss chastely once on Cas’ heaving chest.

"Y-yes." Cas all but groaned and clutched Dean’s shoulders for leverage. He was trembling in Dean’s hands and Dean’s guilt-ridden mind provided the explanation that maybe Cas was cold. That way Dean could excuse his wandering hands as they travelled up and down Cas’ sides, soothing the slick skin.

Cas’ pee ran warmly down Dean’s chest and fuck he wished they were somewhere where he could feel it like last time. His dick jumped at the memory and he almost thought he might come untouched like this, or maybe that he would choke on his own need but he’d rather be caught dead before touching himself right now.

When Dean’s hands skimmed over Cas’ half-exposed rear the boy moaned and his grip on Dean’s shoulders slipped so that he crashed down on Dean’s chest. He gasped and tried to right himself but Dean just hugged him close.

"It’s okay like this too, Cas." Dean mumbled against Cas’ little shoulder and Cas shook against him.

"D-Dean." Cas moaned and fuck, the sound was right up against Dean’s ear. "I feel hot like that again."

"Are you done peeing?" Dean asked because he couldn’t feel it anymore. When Cas had slipped his lower half had slid under the water again.

"Yeah." Cas sounded exhausted and his cheek was still wet from tears but then Dean felt it. Felt Cas’ little prick hard and rubbing against Dean’s stomach. It was all Dean could do not to groan.

"It’s okay baby." He mumbled against Cas’ skin and encouraged Cas’ hips to thrust against him. Cas did so with a little gasp that made Dean’s eyes tear up with sexual frustration. "It gets like that sometimes, when you have to pee really bad. Remember last night?"

God, he couldn’t believe he was reminding the boy of that. But now, this time, this time it would really be for educational purposes. Right?

"Y-yeah." Cas stammered and the water sloshed as his hips gained momentum.

"Then you know what to do baby boy." Dean murmured in a hoarse voice that made Cas shiver.

"But Dean." He said, his tone so high pitched that Dean had to grip the boy’s thighs hard to keep from touching himself. Cas didn’t seem to mind though. "This-this feels so good."

"Then you, ah…" Dean screwed his eyes shut against the sensations. "You keep going baby."

Cas did just that and Dean was so close he could fucking taste it. His fingers were digging into Cas’ thighs even as the boy’s stretched speedo was digging into his little ass cheeks and Dean had to execute enormous self-restraint to not just push Cas down those few inches to his leaking cock. The grotto filled with sounds of sloshing water and Cas’ breathy little moans and it was too fucking much. Then suddenly Cas jerked against Dean and turned his head so that his lips were against Dean’s neck.

"Dean." He groaned and the motion of his lips against Dean’s heated skin pushed Dean even closer to the edge. "Dean, it’s gonna come out."

Dean turned his head too. "It’s alright baby boy." He mumbled against Cas’ hair, mouthing at the boy’s head, allowing himself at least that. "Let it."

Cas did so with a strangled shout, his fingernails digging little crescent shaped dents on Dean’s shoulders and even though Dean hadn’t been able to feel Cas peeing on him under water he sure as shit felt this. Cas’ come shot out hard against Dean’s cramping stomach, hot and sticky even in the water and he flung his head back so that it hit the wall to keep his own orgasm at bay.

Cas slumped against him, obviously exhausted in the post-orgasmic glow and Dean had to put his hands under the boy’s bottom to keep him from sinking down on Dean’s still throbbing dick.

"You…" he had to stop to swallow hard and clear his throat. "You okay?"

"Mm, yeah." Cas mumbled sleepily against Dean’s neck and fucking shit, Dean needed to come yesterday.

He pulled Cas away from him with the least amount of force he could muster, not wanting to either startle the boy or make him think Dean was mad. Dean _was_ mad, but at himself and never at Cas.

" Good." He said and tried to sound as if this was all okay and normal. "We better get back to the others then. I’ll just check so that there isn’t anything to clean up and you go and stand outside to make sure no one comes in." It was the goddamn lamest excuse he had ever heard himself but for some reason it worked. Cas adjusted his speedos and nodded with a resolute face as if Dean had entrusted him with the nation’s security.

Dean released him and thought that was that but Cas surprised him by stepping up on the ledges and kissing Dean on the cheek. "Thank you." He mumbled and Dean swallowed hard.

"No problem." He croaked and Cas smiled timidly before pushing himself towards the waterfall to disappeared outside seconds later.

Dean wasted no time rising to his feet and turning around. He simply ripped his swimming trunks down enough for him to get access to his dick and then gripped it hard. He leaned his other arm against the wall and had to bite the knuckles on his hand to keep from moaning too loudly when he started stroking. Fuck, what was that kid doing to him? His dick was hard as iron and so hot that it was painful. It didn’t take him many strokes and it was the thought of Cas’ little kiss that had him coming hard all over the wall. His sperm shot out faster than he thought possible and he felt a tear roll down his cheek with the intensity of it.

When he moments later emerged through the waterfall — because fuck cleaning — he found Cas just a little bit away, almost hiding behind one of the giant leafs that hung down low from one of the plants on the side of the water trench. He smiled when he saw him, feeling so goddamn tired that he wanted to weep but the sight of Cas’ eye lighting up when he noticed Dean revitalized him like nothing else.

"Is it alright?" Cas asked nervously when Dean had swum up to him.

"No one will know." He assured him and felt stupidly happy when Cas clung to his arm and let Dean’s strength carry him through the water.

"Thank you." Cas mumbled again and when Dean looked at him Cas gave him a bashful smile.

"Any time, Cas." He said and really meant it. Cas hugged Dean’s arm to his chest and Dean’s heart thumped harder for a moment.

"If I’d gone out here Gabe would have known, I just know it." Cas muttered and Dean couldn’t help smiling at the thought of the brothers’ playful banter.

"No one will know." He repeated and Cas looked up at him with trusting eyes. "This is our secret, remember?"

Cas looked so happy at that that Dean felt like flinging himself from a tall building. Fuck, the kid shouldn’t have to keep secrets like these and should definitely not be looking so happy about it.

"Yeah." Cas said and hugged Dean’s arm again. "Ours."

  
  



	3. The accidental accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look more angsty by the minute... Dean tries to be the grown-up and it goes a little so-so.

  
  


The week that followed that faithful weekend went by in a blur for Dean. He worked hard, Sam had a field day and Dean had to make snacks and drop him off extra early, Cas waved at Dean when he saw him in the parking lot waiting for Sam and Dean’s heart did these strange little fluttery hippety-hops when he saw Cas. And when he thought about him. And when he discovered that the sheets from the spare bed actually smelled a little like the boy, despite him having slept there only one night. Dean was a wreck.

He had to work late two of the days and Sam convinced Dean that he could go home with Cas so Dean had to pick his little brother up from there and the way Cas looked at him when he opened the door and found Dean standing there was enough to both make his knees weak and his mind dark with guilty thoughts.

When the weekend finally rolled around Sam had managed to convince Dean that he should sleep over at Cas’. Cas no longer had piano lessons on Fridays and the boys were more than happy at the prospect of spending that time together. Dean, however, wasn’t so happy with the thought of Sam sleeping over, for many reasons. One was the way Gabriel eyed Sammy, two was that he didn’t want to impose on Cas’ family because he knew that the boy’s parents were going to be home this weekend and three was because he had kind of hoped that Cas would be over at theirs again.

Number three was of course preposterous so he had agreed after he had had a chat with Michael, confirming that it was indeed okay.

Dean sighed as he pulled up outside Cas’ house. "Now you behave yourself." He said to Sam who was busy gathering his things.

Sam scoffed. "Not the first time I’ve been here, Dean." He said as if he and Cas had been friends since forever and not just a fucking week.

"I know but now the parents are home, we don’t know what they’re like."

Sam glared at him when Dean also got out of the car. "Is that why you’re walking me to the door? I’m not five."

"No." Dean agreed and ruffled Sam’s hair when the boy rang the doorbell. "But you’re still a kid."

"Stop it."

It was Gabriel that answered the door and he instantly smirked when he saw the Winchesters. "Hiya." He said slyly. "Ready for a party?"

"Yeah!" Sam exclaimed and entered when Gabriel stepped out of the way. Dean followed with a scowl and Gabriel smirked wider when he saw it.

"Relax." He said and patted Dean on his tense shoulder. "Cas has been prepping his room all afternoon, they’ll have fun."

Dean was just about to answer with some smart-ass comment but was interrupted by a shriek that sounded vaguely like his name. Seconds later he was practically run down as Cas jumped into his arms.

"Hi champ." He huffed out when he regained his breath again and hugged Cas awkwardly — and manly — before withdrawing from the boy to look him in the eye. Big mistake. Cas’ eyes were shining and his smile was so bright that Dean had to fight off his blush. Fuck, he had forgotten what having Cas up close did to him. "You excited for tonight?" he asked, trying to sound casual with their brothers standing beside them.

"Yeah!" Cas squeaked in a near-identical way to Sammy’s and turned to his friend. "I’ll help you put your things away."

Sam nodded enthusiastically and promptly left Dean standing there in the hall. He sighed and rubbed his neck. "Guess that was that." He mumbled and wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. He felt hot.

He was jolted from his thoughts when a young looking woman entered from what Dean now knew was the kitchens to the right of the hall.

"Hi." She said and extended her hand which Dean shook firmly. "I’m Becky, you must be Dean."

"Must I?" he sighed and smiled when she laughed a little. "But yeah. Thanks for having Sammy over, he’s really happy to be here."

"And we’re happy having him." Gabriel smirked but Becky frowned at him and shooed him away.

"Don’t mind him." She said when he skipped away jovially and gestured at the living room. "Do you want to come in for a while?"

Dean pondered the suggestion but eventually shook his head. "Nah, Sam wants to be alone with his friends. Besides, I have to get going, I just wanted to…" he trailed off and glanced at her, noticing her smiling knowingly at him. He didn’t like it.

"Wanted to see if me and Chuck were home?" she supplied. "Wanted to see if we were okay people?"

Damn. "Yeah." He said weakly. "I guess I’m a little overprotective sometimes."

She tilted her head to the side in the way he’d seen Cas do a couple of times. "I understand. Cassie told us that you take care of your brother on your own. Besides, us not being here last weekend probably made us look bad."

Dean started shaking his head but then decided what the fuck. "Yeah." He answered truthfully. "I mean, every parent can be out of town and every child can have an accident but that wasn’t the first time Cas was bullied and it wasn’t the first time you and your husband left your kids to fend on their own." Okay, wow. That had come out much more spiteful than he had intended. He looked at Becky and saw that his words probably had hit a little too close to home. "Sorry." He mumbled and took a half-step towards the door. "I-I didn’t mean to sound so douchey, I just…" he cleared his throat. "Me and Sam grew up without our parents, or Sammy is at least going to, and I’d hate to see the same happen to Cas. And his brothers." He hastened to add the last part. Fuck, he was really getting in too deep.

But Becky was looking at him like she appreciated hearing what he had to say. "I know." She said, her voice quiet in the big hall. "I don’t want this either. You should know, me and Chuck are talking about alternatives."

He didn’t know why the hell he needed to know that but he nodded anyway. "Great." He pressed out and to his surprise she actually hugged him briefly.

"Thank you for taking care of my son."

"Yeah." He said, not at all shakily. "And thank you again for letting Sammy stay the night." He cleared his throat as she stepped back. "He snores, just so you know." He said, trying to lighten the mood because that was what he did. Cracked jokes and flirted, not stood around people’s halls talking about serious touchy-feely stuff.

She just smiled at him as if she knew and that made him even more uncomfortable. How the hell much had Cas been talking about him around here? Well, at least he knew that no one really knew anything important because then he would hardly get a hug.

"Well, he’ll be sleeping in Cassie’s room so that’s his problem." She answered and just as if on cue the boys ambled down the stairs.

"Dean." Sam sighed when he saw his big brother still standing there. "Go home already."

Cas looked between Sammy and Dean and his expression faltered a little. "You’re not staying for dinner?" he asked and fuck, if Sam hadn’t been glaring at Dean and Cas’ mother hadn’t been smiling amusedly Dean would have scooped the boy up and kissed him on the cheek, proclaiming his undying commitment. It was ultimately that thought that had him shrugging and exiting on an apology, a fake grin plastered on his face.

He drank a little too much whisky that night before falling asleep on the couch with the TV on.

  


*********

  


After he had picked up Sammy the next day they spent the whole Saturday at the beach, swimming, sunbathing and eating sandwiches Dean had made for them. Sam told him all about his night at Cas’ and how awesome it had been and Dean’s stomach clenched uncomfortably. What if Sam would prefer to be over at Cas’ more than at home when he played with Cas? What if Dean didn’t get to see Cas as much anymore?

The thoughts made him irritated with himself and honestly a little scared. He hardly knew the kid and he shouldn’t want to spend time with a boy ten years his junior but the fact was that he did. It made him hate himself and he had to physically force himself to not show his bad mood and ruin his day with Sammy.

Sunday was spent grocery shopping and cleaning the apartment while Sam sat at the small kitchen table and did his homework. Dean unpacked the groceries just as Sam was finishing up and he was only a little ashamed to put away the new jar of honey he had bought even though he and Sammy hardly ever ate it. Ashamed enough to hide it from his little brother but not ashamed enough to smile when he looked at it.

The week went by slowly this time but Dean didn’t mind very much because he didn’t even know what he was looking forward to that would make the time need to speed up. Cas came to talk to Dean a couple of times in the school’s parking lot and he even ended up driving the kid home on Wednesday but Sammy was with them both times so there was nothing strange about it. Except the way Dean’s heart pounded in his ears when Cas hugged him and the way his dick twitched when Cas laughed loudly as Dean sped through town, Baby’s engine rumbling pleasantly beneath them. Fuck, if Dean believed in that crap and if Cas was six years older Dean would have called this love at first sight. But of course that was the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard and he totally did not jerk off Wednesday evening, thinking about the little peck Cas had given him as he pulled up outside the boy’s house. Chaste, on the cheek and fucking perfect.

When Sammy asked if Cas could sleep over on Friday night Dean took extra caution to take his time looking up from the newspaper he was reading.

"Hm?" he asked as if he hadn’t heard and his heart hadn’t leapt up into his throat.

"Can Cas come over after school tomorrow and spend the night?" Sam asked again and took a big bite out of the sandwich Dean had made him.

Dean tried to look like he was thinking it over. "It’s a little late, don’t you think? What do his parents say?" It was Thursday evening and he knew that too.

Sammy shrugged. "It was Cas’ suggestion, I think they’re out of town again."

Dean looked down to the newspaper again, the words swimming before his eyes. "Michael, then."

"Are you saying yes if he does?"

"Sure."

Sam squealed happily and ran for the phone. Dean licked his dry lips and tried not to think of ways this could go wrong. What the hell was he thinking, bringing Cas here again? But truth was he looked so much forward to seeing the boy again that it was hard to let those dark thoughts overrun his mind. They were just spending time together, what the hell was the fucking harm in that?

  


*********

  


Dean was just cleaning up in the kitchen after having baked a pan of pizza rolls for dinner when Sam and Cas arrived. They bounced into the kitchen, laughing and chatting about their day and Dean smiled to them, unable to help himself. Sam just looked so relaxed with Cas around that Dean thought he could be excused for hoping that the boys would be best friends forever.

"Hi guys." He said and tossed the towel over his shoulder, leaning back against the counter. "How were your days?"

They talked for a while, well, Sammy talked and Cas put in small tidbits in a shy voice, glancing at Dean from under his lashes. That look was slowly starting to freak Dean out. Cas was still shy around other people, even Dean, but not at all like he had been that first time. Even so, Dean loved the way Cas looked like this, all demure. He was happy Cas was opening up but that little quirk of his lips and his downcast eyes were seriously fucking with Dean’s libido. Not that that was a good thing.

The boys eventually scampered off to Sam’s room to put away Cas’ overnight bag and Dean turned around to check on his pizza rolls. Everything was quiet for a while and Dean breathed out. Yeah, having Cas over was simultaneously the best and the worst idea he had ever had.

He unconsciously heard Sam’s door open and a moment later the bathroom door close. He started setting the table and hummed Metallica to himself to keep his nerves calm. Cas’ scent was lingering in the kitchen and Dean could clearly smell it even through the wafting smell of the baking pizza rolls.

He turned when he heard small footsteps and wasn’t as surprised as he probably should have been when he saw Cas standing in the archway. "Hi there Cas." He said with a smile and put down the last of the cutlery on the table. "You hungry?"

Cas glanced at the oven and nodded noncommittally. "A little."

Dean frowned at Cas’ nervous expression. "What’s wrong?" shit, he hadn’t managed to freak out the boy already, had he?

Cas fiddled with the hem of his tee. "Nothing." He mumbled but that just made Dean frown deeper. Of course there was something. Not that he didn’t like Cas coming in here just to talk, if that had been the case, but he could sense the boy had something on his mind.

"Come on Cas." He said gently and went to kneel in front of the boy like he had done that very first time he had met him. He put his right hand on Cas’ upper arm and the boy met his eyes. "You know you can talk to me, right?" he absentmindedly started stroking the boy’s arm with his thumb when he got no response. "You want something to drink?"

"No!" Cas’ eyes rounded out and his head jerked away. This, of course, did nothing to calm Dean down. Cas turned his head and glanced down the hall. "No, I…"

"Cas." Dean said warningly, not budging from the issue.

"Sam’s been in the bathroom for a long time." Cas rushed out and blushed immediately.

"I’m sure he’s fine."

"Yeah." Cas dragged the word out in a way that told Dean what the real problem was here. He squeezed the boy’s arm once and then stood to exit the kitchen.

"I’ll tell him to hurry up."

"No!" Cas gasped, grasping Dean’s arm in his little hand. "Don’t." He looked down when Dean frowned at him. "It’s embarrassing." He confided and practically hid his face against Dean’s arm. Fucking hell, that was so cute Dean had to bite his cheek before talking.

"Cas, you know what I said about holding it."

Cas squirmed and actually pressed his unoccupied hand briefly against his crotch before meeting Dean’s eyes. Dean had to look up quickly to not be caught staring at the boy’s other hand.

"But it’s my fault." Cas said lowly and bit his lip and fuck if that didn’t shoot straight to Dean’s dick. "I had to hurry at school and when we got home I forgot. I should’ve gone sooner."

Holy hell, Cas had called this _home_. Dean’s heart swelled as much as his dick. He cleared his throat. " Yeah, well, I’m still not having you hold it. Sam’s just probably sitting there reading one of his comics anyway. He does that, loses track of time and—" he cut himself off when Cas squeezed his arm and looked down at the floor, his lower body squirming a little. _Fuck it_ , he thought then and let his mind become pleasantly blank. He put a hand on Cas’ back to usher him towards the sink, grabbing a chair on the way over.

"D-Dean?" Cas asked, clearly confused but he followed willingly, bless his trusting heart.

"It’s just you and me, Cas." He murmured and put his arms in the boy’s armpits to lift him onto the chair. "It’s okay like this."

"I-in the sink?" Cas gasped and leaned his knees against the edge of the counter where he stood on the chair.

Dean stepped up and pressed his nose against the side of Cas’ neck. "Sch." He soothed. "It’s alright baby."

What the hell possessed him to reach around to start unbuttoning Cas’ jeans he would never know. The adult thing would have been to knock on the bathroom door and tell Sammy to hurry up. Next after that he assumed would be letting Cas pee here but at least exciting the room to let the boy have some privacy. Not fucking unbuttoning his pants and putting his own hands in there to find the boy’s warm little prick and pull it out for him. But Cas didn’t protest, not at fucking all. He just leaned his back against Dean’s chest, his little hands hovering above Dean’s arms and when Dean’s fingers closed around his dick he hissed a little.

"There we go." Dean mumbled against Cas’ shivering skin, wanting to taste it so much that he was seconds away from crying from the restraint he had to exercise. "You can relax now."

Cas made a mewling sound that may or may not have been an argument but his dick twitched in Dean’s loose grip and then his warm pee flooded from the tip in a steady stream. It trickled down the sink and splashed a little on the sides but Dean didn’t even think to turn the faucet on to ease the going. He just watched hungrily as Cas relieved himself.

Cas sighed and leaned his head back against Dean’s shoulder. "That’s right baby boy." Dean mumbled and put his other hand on Cas’ hip. "Such a good boy." Cas was trembling slightly against him but Dean was steady behind the boy so Cas relaxed further against the older man. "So much baby." Dean rasped and stroked Cas’ little dick once with his thumb. "You really had to go, huh?"

Cas whined slightly and the sound shot straight to Dean’s cock. He had to bite his lip to hinder the gasp that threatened to escape at that. Goddamnit, he hadn’t even realized he was getting hard standing here like this. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why the hell was he still holding Cas’ dick as if he couldn’t do it himself?

But Cas was pressing his head back against Dean and his hands were gripping Dean’s arms hard enough to leave little marks and it was so fucking delicious that Dean felt delirious.

It didn’t take that long for Cas to finish and when he did Dean shook him twice before tucking him back inside his jeans. Okay, this was it, he told himself. He had helped the boy and he had done it in the most perverted way but at least it was finished. This was the _last fucking time_.

But of course it really wasn’t. When he had buttoned up Cas again the boy turned on the chair and hugged Dean, tightly. And Dean was no fucking saint, alright? He hugged the boy back and when it seemed like Cas wasn’t going to let go he maneuvered the boy into his arms and sat down on the chair with Cas in his lap. He kept one hand under the boy’s round little bottom to keep him from touching Dean’s still hard dick and he let the other hand roam the boy’s back soothingly, as if Cas needed soothing. Unlike the panic of the last times this had seemed tame and Dean didn’t think Cas was upset but he wanted to hold the boy anyway and Cas wasn’t complaining.

He sat for a while, marveling at the feeling of the boy’s warm body against him. "I don’t want you to be afraid of asking me for help, baby." He mumbled against Cas’ hair. He hadn’t meant to use the endearment but it just slipped out so easily. Cas didn’t seem to mind, or notice. He pressed himself closer briefly.

"I’m not, Dean." He mumbled, sounding awfully sleepy and Dean titled his head down to kiss Cas on top of his head. Just one kiss, just a finished-with-this-kiss. Except it wasn’t.

Cas’ hair smelled so good and he gripped Dean’s sweater when Dean kissed him so Dean did it again, and again, and again. Dean’s hand came up almost as if on its own to cup the back of Cas’ head, feeling the silky locks between his fingers and gripping slightly. He kissed Cas on the head, the temple, his ear, his cheek. Again and again and Cas just sat there, his eyes closed and his little body pressed against Dean.

It was when Dean’s hand beneath Cas’ bottom slipped a little and he brushed against his own hard-on that he stopped himself. _Fuck_ , he thought desperately. _Fuck no_.

He gently disentangled himself from the boy, making Cas stand before him and managed to keep his own trembling under control. "There we go." He said with a shaky smile and Cas was looking at him with an unreadable expression. "You go tell Sam that dinner’s about ready and I’ll clean up in here."

Cas glanced briefly at the sink and blushed prettily before nodding and walking out of the kitchen to do Dean’s bidding.

Dean had to lean against the counter and breathe deeply for a moment to compose himself before he started running the water, erasing the last of the evidence.

  


*********

  


After dinner Dean found himself lying on the couch, listening to the boys play in Sam’s room. He didn’t know what they were doing but it was rowdy and they laughed a lot. It made him smile. He thought briefly of turning on the TV but decided against it when he saw that the remote was a good three feet away from him. He was far too comfortable on the couch, listening to Cas’ chiming laugh to care about anything else.

He palmed his dick lazily for a moment but then decided against that as well. Thoughts of what he had done — and almost done — in the kitchen still made him hot and bothered and he didn’t want to have to jerk off right now. Not that a hot shower and some good old rubbing wouldn’t be awesome but he didn’t feel right doing it with the boys awake.

He was startled awake sometime later by someone shaking his shoulder lightly and he was actually confused for a moment, having not realized that he’d fallen into a shallow slumber right there on the couch.

He blinked blearily and turned his head, narrowly avoiding jerking back when he noticed Cas staring at him intently. And boy was the kid staring too, his eyes wide and intense and too fucking close. Cas blinked slowly and this close up Dean imagined that he could count the boy’s thick lashes.

"Cas." He mumbled and wanted so much to reach out and caress the boy’s cheek. His hand twitched where it rested against his stomach.

"You have freckles." Cas deadpanned and now it was Dean’s turn to blink owlishly.

"Where’s Sam?" he managed after too long a while and Cas straightened and removed his hand from Dean’s shoulder. Dean didn’t know if he was relieved or not.

"He wanted to show me a movie. He’s in the kitchen making popcorn." Cas sat back on the coffee table when Dean sat up to rub his eyes. "Do you want to join?"

"What movie?" Dean asked to try and not sound like he would like nothing more than to snuggle up on the couch with Cas on his chest.

"Star Wars." Cas answered but then frowned. "But I don’t get it, he said we’d start with number four, shouldn’t it be number one?"

It was so goddamn adorable how the whole Star Wars franchise completely had bypassed Cas that Dean could do nothing but smile at the kid and reach over to ruffle his hair. At least that was the plan. That he ended up caressing the boy’s head was a whole different matter.

"Not it this case babe." He said affectionately but his throat constricted when he realized he’d used an endearment for the boy even in this normal setting. And judging by the way Cas was beaming at him he didn’t seem to mind. That was so fucking dangerous that Dean’s stomach dropped, making him nauseated enough to have to exit the room when Sam entered with the popcorns.

"Hey, are you joining us?!" Sam called after Dean’s retreating back and Dean couldn’t for the life of him say no.

"Beer." He called back and took a moment when he had plucked a can out of the fridge to rest it against his forehead, letting the cold seep in and calm him.

  


*********

  


As the movie progressed Sam got more and more sleepy and Dean could see him on the other end of the couch, first leaning against the armrest and then starting to slide down. Poor kid was probably exhausted after a long day at school and then all that playing around. But he sure loved spending time with Cas so Dean suspected Sam didn’t want to let something as trivial as sleep get in the way of that. It was cute, though, watching the kid try to stay awake.

Cas, however, was a whole different story. The boy was so invested in the movie that his eyes never left the screen. It stayed glued to it from the moment the introduction stopped rolling and Dean couldn’t help watching Cas more than the movie. The boy bobbed his head from side to side when the starships flew by and he giggled to no end when Obi-Wan tricked the guards using the force. When they blew up Alderaan he squeaked and hid against Dean’s side and Dean let him.

When they got to the scene in the garbage room Sammy had already fallen asleep. Cas was so enthralled that he didn’t even notice. He sat with his legs pulled up, his chin resting on his knees and pressed up against Dean. He was gnawing his bottom lip while he watched and Dean had casually let his arm slide down to rest around Cas’ neck.

When the first ripple showed in the water Cas gasped and covered his eyes. "There’s something in there." He exclaimed, almost as if he could warn them and when the gang discovered it too he removed his hands from his eyes. He swallowed and when the struggle got real he hid his face in Dean’s armpit instead. "No, they’re gonna die." He all but whined and Dean laughed softly.

"No they’re not." Dean proclaimed but of course Cas looked up in time to see the walls start sliding closer and closer.

"They’re getting squished!" he said accusingly, as if it was Dean’s fault and hid again.

Dean couldn’t fucking resist anymore. He draped his arm around Cas’ little form and pulled him closer. Cas snuggled up so easily that Dean should have been worried but all his did was put his nose in Cas’ hair and inhale.

"Look at the movie Cas." He mumbled amusedly but Cas shook his head, his hands now gripping Dean’s sweater.

"No, they’re gonna die. The thing in the water is going to eat them."

Personally Dean thought that the threat of getting crushed to death was more imminent but he refrained from saying anything. Instead he gently tilted Cas’ head up in time to see R2D2 overriding the system and saving the whole lot of them.

Cas gasped in shock. "_He’s_ the real hero." He proclaimed when the gang was safely back in the Millennium Falcon. " R2D2 never asks for anything and helps them all the time. They would be dead without him."

Dean smiled affectionately at the boy. "You do know it’s a robot?"

Cas turned his incredibly blue eyes at Dean and Dean thought his heart actually stopped for a second. "Yeah, but I still like him the best."

"Me too." Dean confessed lowly and thought that would be it. But instead of turning back to the movie Cas cocked his head to the side and considered Dean for a moment.

"If there was something in the water you would kill it and save me and Sam." He said suddenly and Dean was so taken aback with the change of subject that his eyebrows shot to the ceiling. "Right?"

"I…" he blinked a few times and then drew the boy back in against him, not standing to look him in the eye anymore with his heart hammering like that. "Of course baby."

  


*********

  


After the movie had ended and Dean had woken up a somewhat grumpy Sam he went to make the bed and tuck the boys in. Cas was still all up in the movie and by the time Dean was finished with the spare bed Sammy had gotten all invested in their new game as well and Dean almost regretted telling them to go to sleep.

When he closed the door to Sam’s room behind him Dean considered going to sleep as well but the humming in his body hadn’t stopped and with the way Cas had been plastered against him on the couch hadn’t helped. So he stayed up, languidly sipping on a whisky and watching a rerun of the week’s football game. One whisky and then another. And then a beer and then two more shots.

He stumbled into bed at approximately 2 a.m. and fell asleep almost immediately, barely managing to remove his clothes, but he was awakened not much later with a goddamn pressing need to piss. His dick was half-hard from the strain and when he rolled to his feet he could feel a few drops actually spilling.

"Fucking hell." He muttered and tried to adjust himself through his boxers as he padded out into the hall as fast as he could. Yeah, going to sleep so soon after drinking that much was never a good idea but this was fucking ridiculous.

When he reached the bathroom he saw that the light was already on and the door only half closed. He pushed on it gently to reveal Cas standing by the toilet, his blue boxers in a heap around his feet and his little dick in his hand as he peed into the bowl. He turned a sleepy face up at the sound of Dean opening the door.

"Dean?" he mumbled and didn’t seem the least embarrassed to have been caught peeing with the door open. He blinked at the older man but didn’t stop the steady stream and the tinkling sound made it really fucking hard for Dean to ignore his own need.

"Hiya." He breathed out. "Sorry, I’ll just come back." It was ridiculous of course, what with all they had done, but he couldn’t stand there looking at the boy and not need so much. To pee, at the moment, but also a lot of other things that made Dean want to claw his eyes out.

"Dean." Cas repeated when Dean made to step away, his voice firmer now and it made Dean stop. "Did you need to use the bathroom?"

"Yeah, but it’s fine Cas." Dean said and unconsciously adjusted himself again. "You finish up."

Cas’ eyes traced the movement of Dean’s hand and he shifted over a little as if to make room. "You could go too, if you want to." The boy suggested and Dean’s eyes budged out a little. "I’m almost finished."

Dean was going to say no but he really needed to piss, so much so that he could almost feel himself leaking and when Cas cocked his head to the side Dean snapped. _Fuck it_ , he thought for the second time that day and pulled the door closed as he stepped over to the toilet. He pulled his underwear down just enough to get his dick out and shit, he started peeing almost the second the chill air hit him. It felt so goddamn good that he groaned and leaned his head back, eyes closing.

He opened them a moment later though, when he became aware of a pair of blue eyes looking intently at him. He glanced down at Cas and saw that the boy had finished peeing but was still standing with his dick out and boxers down on the floor. His prick was resting snugly against his body, tight against his hairless balls and Dean pressed his thumb against the base of his own dick at the sight, just to keep focused. Cas was staring openly at Dean’s dick and Dean swallowed when he noticed.

Then suddenly Cas reached over and put his little hand on Dean’s cock. Dean jerked but couldn’t very well jump away or risk spraying the whole bathroom floor with pee.

"What are you doing?" he all but hissed and wanted to grab Cas’ wrist but for some fucked up reason didn’t.

Cas looked up at Dean’s face, his own open and serious. "I want to help." He said and looked down again, his grip tightening slightly. "You held mine, Dean, and it felt much better when you did it."

Dean swallowed audibly, feeling his dick trying to harden and pee at the same time. It was both excruciating and delicious. "C-Cas." He said and clicked his tongue to get some goddamn moisture going in his mouth. "We’re not supposed to do that." He confessed and for a second didn’t dare look at the boy but there it was, all laid bare and out in the open: _I fucked up, I wasn’t supposed to. I molested you._

But when he finally looked down he saw that Cas was still staring at Dean’s dick and damn if that didn’t make it twitch. Dean’s breath hitched when he saw Cas’ eyes gleaming at the sight. Fuck, this was dangerous. It was bad enough that Dean had taken advantage of the previous situations but this… this was getting worse. If Dean didn’t know better he would think that Cas wanted him to do something. Wanted to touch Dean’s dick until Dean couldn’t hold it and came all over Cas’ pale body…

"Shit, Cas." Dean said breathlessly and yanked the boy’s hand away as soon as he was done peeing. "You can’t do that." He was still holding Cas’ wrist in his and it was so slim that Dean thought he would be able to snap it like a twig if he tried.

Cas looked up at Dean and managed to look both close to tears and determined at the same time. It made Dean’s stomach knot. "But you did—"

"It wasn’t right." Dean interrupted and wanted to kneel in front of the boy and draw him in close but he refrained, with much difficulty. "We shouldn’t do things like what we did in the kitchen."

"You said I shouldn’t be afraid to ask you for help." Cas said accusingly and Dean’s heart felt like it was breaking.

"I did, and I meant it too but Cas," he cupped the boy’s face in his hands. "I’m an adult, _I_ don’t need this kind of help." It was the best he could manage without damaging their relationship too much. Cas was obviously not really understanding what was going on but Dean nonetheless needed it to stop.

Cas gnawed his lower lip as he thought and Dean wanted to kiss him to make him stop. His hands trembled with the effort of not pulling the boy closer. He was acutely aware of the fact that they were both still standing with their dicks out and Dean’s was still half hard.

Cas’ eyes eventually shifted to look to the side. "‘Kay." He mumbled and Dean breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good boy." He said and kissed Cas on the head, just to get something. "Now go back to sleep."

Cas nodded and bent down to pull up his boxers. It put his face at crotch level and Dean practically jumped back to get away as fast as possible. From the look on Cas’ face Dean would have guessed that he noticed but he didn’t say anything, just turned to open the door.

Dean sighed in relief and pulled his underwear all the way down. No fucking way he was getting back to bed like this. He needed to jerk off and he goddamn needed it yesterday. When he turned to the shower he saw that Cas was still standing in the door, looking at Dean’s naked body. The look in his eyes was so bold that Dean found himself blushing. Cas noticed Dean noticing him stare and he blushed too before practically bolting from the room.

Dean immediately went to lock the door because what the actual fuck? He quickly jumped into the shower and started it up, reveling in the hot water when it rushed over him. He rubbed his hands through his short strands of hair a couple of times, enjoying the feel of the water as it rushed down his back and then leaned one hand against the cold tile as the other drifted down to his growing hard-on. He wasn’t even pretending not to need this anymore.

Was he ashamed that he started jerking immediately like some goddamn teenager? Yes. Was he guilt-ridden about the thoughts of Cas that circulated his mind as his calloused hand massaged his heated flesh. Definitely. Did any of it keep him from enjoying the sensations? Hell no!

His hand glided effortlessly up and down his length, thumb swirling in the pre-come that gathered at the head before it was washed away by the hot water.

"Fuck." He moaned and remembered all too clearly what Cas’ little hand had felt around him. What he wouldn’t do to have Cas grip him harder so that he could fuck his hand. He mimicked the action and gasped sharply. Shit, he was so hard and he had barely touched himself. Just thinking about Cas and Cas’ dick made Dean’s body spasm. Pleasure ran down his spine like wildfire and he was soon moaning openly, lost in the memories of Cas.

"God… Cas, oh God…" he groaned and tried to imagine that the water was Cas’ pee as it ran down his chest. That first time, in this very shower, when Cas had peed all over the both of them was clear in his mind and his hand sped up. "F-fuck…" he bit his lower lip as the first warnings of his orgasm flushed through his groin. "Need, Cas… Need you…" his other hand was pressing hard into the tile and he had his head hanging down, panting open-mouthed with the fucking _need_.

He whimpered pathetically when he came and as he watched his come being washed off the wall he knew that that wasn’t just water on his cheeks.

  
  



	4. The last straw

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yup, things are starting to fall apart here. Oh, boys…

  
  


The following week was the worst in Dean’s life. Cas had been a little colder towards Dean on the Saturday morning that had followed their encounter in the bathroom and his attitude didn’t change during the week. It was nothing very noticeable, not to Sam or anyone else at least but Dean felt it as if his heart was being pierced by icicles.

Cas would only nod and maybe wave at Dean when he saw him at school. No talking and no smile. And when Dean dropped Sam off at Cas’ house that Friday for what quickly had become their weekly sleep-overs Cas didn’t come over and give Dean a hug like last time. He just stood on the stairs, watching Dean as Dean talked to Michael and when Dean glanced up at him he barely waved.

It stung like a fucking bitch and Dean ended up going out to his favorite bar, the Roadhouse, and hooking up with a random chick, getting a blow-job in the bar’s bathroom that he later regretted so much that he started puking at the memory when he got home. Pathetic as it was he actually dug out the pillow Cas had used the two times he had slept over and Dean fell asleep with it in his arms and face pressed against it.

The next day, sober, Dean wasn’t sure if the blow-job or the pillow-thing disgusted him the most.

  


*********

  


When, after yet another miserable week, the next weekend closed in on them and Sammy asked if Cas could sleep over again Dean wanted to say no but couldn’t find it in his heart to do so.

Dean spent most of his lunch break on Friday talking to Becky and the conversation made his stomach knot up so much that he could hardly eat anything. Even Bobby eyed him funnily when Dean went back to work on the car he had been fixing since that morning, his lunch almost untouched.

Becky had been talking about alternatives for her and Chuck and her children, as if she really valued Dean’s input and he couldn’t for the life of him figure out why. He had been trying to sound casual but the fact was that this was an issue he couldn’t let go of. Cas needed his parents and even though the boy seemed mad at Dean, Dean just wanted what was best for him, in any situation.

Or mad was possibly a little overboard. It seemed more like he was avoiding Dean, like maybe he had thought that Dean had meant they had to stop spending time alone together, which of course was absurd. Then again, Dean had realized with a start, as soon as he was truly alone with the boy something inappropriate tended to happen. So maybe it was for the best, Cas staying out of Dean’s personal space. Maybe that way Dean would eventually stop thinking about the boy while he pleasured himself.

On Friday evening he stood in the kitchen, trying to decide what to cook for dinner. He sighed wearily as he ransacked the pantry and when his eyes fell on the still unopened jar of honey he felt his heart hammer painfully. He quickly grabbed what was nearest and shut the pantry door, an old carton of macaroni and cheese in his hand. He didn’t like these easy dinners, the artificial crap never tasting as good as the real stuff, but he sighed and thought it would have to do for now. He didn’t fancy sitting with the boys at all so he supposed a quick dinner was better.

He had just put the carton down beside the stove when he heard the front door open. His whole body tensed but he tried not to let it show as he heard Sam and Cas walking in.

"It’s alright now, Cas." He heard Sam say and it made Dean frown and turn to the archway that lead out into the hall. "We’re home now." The boys walked into the kitchen a moment later and Dean’s heart nearly stopped.

Both boys were bloody, Sam’s cheek was red and obviously swelling, their knees looked scraped even through their jeans and Cas’ left arm was hanging limply, blood running from his elbow. Sam looked furious and had a vice-like grip on Cas’ right wrist as he pulled the boy behind him. Cas was crying, blubbering and hiccupping with the effort of controlling it.

"What the hell?!" Dean barked and went over to the boys in two long strides, the kitchen towel in his hand. Cas jerked at Dean’s harsh tone and started crying for real. Sam looked irritated but stood still as Dean wiped what little blood there was on his knuckles. "What happened?" Dean was so angry that he was shaking.

Sam glanced over at Cas who was standing beside him, clutching at Sam’s arm and crying his beautiful blue eyes out. "They attacked him again."

"Who?" Dean demanded, so angry that his little brother had taken such a big hit and fuck, Cas looked so badly bruised that Dean thought maybe they should go to the ER. "Who did this?"

Sam looked at Cas again but Cas was in no state to answer anything. "Crowley." Sam eventually said when Dean was satisfied that Sam would live. It was obvious that his cheek had taken the most damage but Dean was sure Sam could handle it. He turned to Cas and started with wiping his tears away.

"Who?"

"F-Fergus." Cas hiccupped and Dean was actually surprised that Cas had decided to join the conversation but he tried not to let it show. "Fergus Crowley."

Sam scoffed. "He and his gang. They hate Cas or something, they always pick on him but this…" he scowled at Cas’ bloody visage and Dean gritted his teeth.

"I will handle this." He said and straightened. Sam nodded but Cas snatched his good hand away from Sam to clutch at Dean.

"No!" he all but screamed. "They will get mad."

Dean turned to the boy, his greens eyes furious and Cas actually shied away from him. "_I’m_ mad, Cas." He said dangerously low.

" I’m sorry." Cas whispered and started crying again, rubbing his eyes with his little fists. Dean’s heart hurt.

"Dean, you’re scaring him." Sam accused and tried to hug Cas but Cas just stumbled out of reach when Sam accidentally touched his damaged elbow.

"Well, I’m sorry Sam!" Dean nearly hollered. "But what the hell am I supposed to do? You come home beaten, they bully Cas. I can’t have the two of you getting hurt like this, I just _can’t_."

Sammy shook his head. "I know but… He’s right Dean, don’t you know what kids are like?"

Dean rubbed his hands through his short hair, frustrated to no end because of fucking course he knew what kids were like. Cas’ crying rang painfully in his ears. Fuck, he never wanted to see Cas like this, ever.

"Then what do I do? Go over to the kid’s house and beat him to a bloody pulp? Because you know I will Sammy."

Sam smiled a little. "I know."

Dean gnawed at his lower lip, the distressing feeling blooming in the pit of his stomach. "I… I can’t see you like this."

"We’ll handle it." Sammy said and sounded so fucking grown-up that Dean didn’t know what to do. "We just need you to help patch us up."

Of course Sam would say something like that because Dean had taught him to be strong. Taught him that when life gives you lemons you fucking smash those lemons and stomp them to death but this… With Cas like this…

Dean sighed in resignation and pointed at the macaroni and cheese. "Make dinner, I’ll clean Cas up."

Sam nodded and turned to the stove that no normal twelve-year-old should fucking now how to operate. Dean took Cas’ uninjured hand in his and pulled him down the hall to the bathroom. Cas had stopped crying loudly by then and when Dean sat him down on the toilet he was basically back to hiccupping.

"I’m sorry." He whispered again when Dean pulled out the first-aid kit and Dean just couldn’t fucking take it anymore.

He sat down on his knees in front of Cas and pulled the boy close to him, burying his head against Cas’ soft stomach. "Don’t, Cas." He mumbled, shaking. "I-I just can’t see you like this. But don’t apologize, it’s not your fault." He hugged him so tight that Cas might have had problems breathing but his knees rested snugly against Dean’s sides and when Cas’ hands came down to hug Dean’s head closer Dean all but started crying himself.

"I don’t want to be a burden." He mumbled and Dean shook his head.

"You’re not, baby." He said against Cas’ stomach, drawing the boy’s scent into his nostrils. "Never a burden." He kissed Cas’ stomach and Cas’ hands clenched in Dean’s hair. "You don’t deserve this, you’re such a beautiful child." He kissed himself up to Cas’ chest, neck, ear. "So beautiful." He kissed Cas’ cheek, forehead, nose. Lips. "Such a beautiful baby boy, Cas." He mumbled and Cas hugged him tightly.

"Dean." He gasped and Dean finally understood what the hell he was doing. He tried not to jerk back from the boy’s delicious lips but it was so difficult. He rested his forehead against Cas’, hands on either side of the boy’s face and Cas’ hands clenched in his shirt.

"I’m here Cas."

Cas was crying silently again. "I need your help, Dean."

"I know baby." Dean kissed Cas’ forehead again, much too many times. "I’m here, I’ll always be here for you."

  


*********

  


Cleaning Cas’ cuts after that display of emotions was very difficult for Dean but he managed. Even when Cas removed his jeans and showed Dean his scraped knee. Handling the boy’s supple legs made Dean’s hands tremble so much that he thought Cas would notice but if he did he didn’t say anything.

They ate the dinner mostly in silence and Dean called Michael afterwards to tell him what had happened. Becky and Chuck were out of town again and Dean considered calling Becky’s cell just to tell her too and to make her take some goddamn responsibility but he refrained, for now. Dean wanted to drive Cas home for the evening but Cas refused and Sam wanted him to stay too, as if Cas was safer with Dean and Sam than in his own home. After a short discussion with his older brother Cas hung up the phone and stated that he was staying. Dean pursed his lips but went to make the spare bed anyway.

The boys both seemed more inclined to spend time with Dean than playing and he supposed it was because of what had happened but he didn’t comment on it. If truth be told he felt his heart swell a little when Sam and Cas joined him on the couch to watch reruns of That ‘70s Show and he actually felt more relaxed, as if having them near would ensure that they were out of harm’s way. They still looked pretty beaten up, though, and he didn’t like that one bit. He should figure out who this Crowley kid was and pay his parents a visit. Before he could have just played it off, saying it wasn’t _really_ his business but this time they had really done a number on his own little brother and that was not okay. Yes, he decided, on Monday he would call the school. Behind Sammy’s back, sure, but he was the adult after all, he had responsibilities.

During one of the commercial breaks he went to fetch himself a beer, Sammy a pudding and the unopened honey jar for Cas. Cas’ eyes lit up at the sight and when Dean told him it was all for him he looked so happy and awed that Dean had to turn away or risk leaning in and kiss the boy.

Because fuck, he _had_ kissed the boy. On the lips. In their bathroom, with Sammy just down the hall. The door hadn’t even been fully closed. And it had felt fucking awesome. And Cas _hadn’t pushed Dean away_. Was it because he didn’t know it was wrong? Was it because he wanted it to happen? Dean watched in the corner of his eye as Cas sucked happily on the spoon, his plump lips puffy and slick. Dean gritted his teeth.

Dean was happy, though, that Cas obviously wasn’t avoiding him anymore and when the boy fell asleep and slid down the couch to land against Dean’s side Dean just slung his arm around him and pulled him in closer.

Sam looked over and smiled. "You know," he said, his voice low as not to disturb his friend. "I wanted to take him to Michael but he didn’t want that."

Dean frowned in confusion. "No?"

Sammy shook his head and turned to look at the TV again. "Nah. He just kept shaking his head and told me to take him home. And when I didn’t get it he started crying and said ‘I want Dean’." Sam looked at Dean as if this was something to be proud of and Dean tried to not blush. "I’ve never wanted to share you like this with any of my friends but Cas is so…" he glanced down at the sleeping boy. "I think he’s kind of part of our family, don’t you?"

Dean swallowed against the lump in his throat and hugged Cas closer. "Yeah." He mumbled and Sammy smiled again, turning his attention back to the TV.

  


*********

  


About an hour later Dean caught Sammy sleeping as well and he kicked at his brother to wake him up.

"Wha-what?" Sam mumbled and rubbed his eyes.

"Go sleep in your bed." Dean grinned evilly and Sam scowled at him before getting to his feet. He looked down at Cas who was so soundly asleep that he was almost drooling on Dean’s chest.

"What about Cas?"

Dean glanced down at the boy and felt ridiculously selfish. "I’ll take him to bed soon. I’m just finishing this beer."

Sam shrugged. "‘Kay." He left without further questions and Dean thought that that should have been a red flag Sammy obviously trusted Dean enough so that this didn’t seem strange to him and that was not normal, Dean knew that. Why the hell would he sit here on the couch with Cas practically on his lap, sleeping, when he should just wake the boy and tell him to go with Sam? This was not normal parenting behavior, Dean knew this but his heart ached when he thought that of course Sammy didn’t know that; the kid had never really had real parents.

If anyone, Cas would probably realize that this wasn’t how a sleep-over at his friend’s should go. If he woke up in Dean’s arms and Sam had already gone to bed he would probably feel embarrassed but fuck if Dean cared. After two weeks of Cas giving him the cold shoulder and then the shock of seeing the boy all beaten up he thought he deserved at least a little something.

So when he heard Sammy’s bedroom door close he scooted down on the couch, dragging Cas on top of him so that the boy was draped over Dean’s side, straddling Dean’s hip and his little thigh pressed against Dean’s crotch. Cas mumbled something unintelligent in his sleep and shifted around until he was once again resting peacefully with his head on Dean’s chest and his hand clenching Dean’s shirt.

Dean felt like he was in heaven. This should not feel so good but it fucking did. And it wasn’t just about having Cas close because it was arousing. Because it totally was what with the boy’s warmth, scent, and lithe body. But it was also the safe and snug feeling he got from feeling Cas so relaxed in Dean’s embrace. He had wanted to come here, Dean reminded himself as Sammy’s words played on repeat in his mind. He had wanted Dean to make everything better. The thought made Dean hug the boy closer and Cas responded by unconsciously pressing against Dean. Dean’s heart hammered hard in his chest and try as he might he couldn’t focus on the TV to save his life.

Dean spent a long time lying there, just feeling Cas and tracing light patterns on the boy’s back. His beer stood forgotten on the coffee table and he had turned off the TV when he’d realized he wasn’t going to watch anyway. Cas felt amazing, _was_ amazing, and in the dead of the night Dean allowed himself to think so. His body was thrumming with the closeness of the boy but he was content to just be here with Cas, feeling him.

Then, almost another hour later, Cas suddenly jerked and gasped, pushing himself to half-sit on Dean’s thigh. The boy’s abrupt awakening startled Dean enough to make him jump too and he put his hands on Cas’ hips almost automatically.

"What—?" he asked but then felt warmth spreading against his leg. He looked down and saw that Cas’ jeans had a dark spot on them.

"Dean." Cas gasped out and pressed his hands against his crotch. His body jerked again and Dean saw the spot widen. "N-no." Cas moaned then and Dean’s mind kicked into action.

"Shit, Cas." He mumbled and sat up to gather the boy in his arms. "I got you." He rose to his feet with Cas pressed against his chest and the boy’s legs trembling around Dean’s waist.

"No, Dean." Cas gasped against Dean’s neck, sounding desperate and wrecked. "I-I can’t hold it."

"Fuck." Dean mumbled as he felt more wetness spreading against his front and into the space between them. Cas was seriously peeing his pants _right now_. That fact shouldn’t make Dean as hard as it did but it totally fucking did and he stumbled on his way to the bathroom when a sharp wave of arousal shot down his spine.

" Dean." Cas mewled and actually fucking rolled his hips against Dean’s taut stomach as more pee spilled out.

Dean was so hard from so little that he fumbled with the lock to the bathroom door, unable to stop his hands shaking and Cas was peeing freely against him now. "I gotcha babe." He mumbled and stumbled over to the sink. He could hardly think. His mind was buzzing with a kind of white noise and his dick was practically pounding on his jeans, begging for release. He sat Cas down in the sink and detached himself a little to put a hand down between them and squeeze at Cas’ crotch. Cas arched his back and moaned beautifully when his whole body gave in and pee started shooting out of him in a steady stream. "There we go." Dean mumbled and leaned closer so that Cas was perched on the edge, his legs around Dean again and so that Dean could feel the pee as it spilled out. "There we go baby, such a good boy, letting it all out."

Shit, this was seriously fucked up but Dean couldn’t think with the way Cas was rolling his hips against Dean and losing control like this, making such delicious sounds.

"D-Dean." Cas moaned and goddamnit, he placed his feet on the edge and pulled Dean closer, using the leverage to push his hips harder against Dean. "Dean, I-I feel…"

"Yeah." Dean breathed and started kissing Cas’ sweaty neck without a conscious thought in his mind. "I know."

Cas tasted fucking amazing. Dean’s dick was so hard it hurt and he pulled one hand from the boy’s body, immediately missing the lithe body but when he put it against his cock he started bucking against his own hand without regret.

Dean didn’t even realize that Cas was done peeing all over them until the boy grabbed Dean’s face in his small hands and pulled Dean to him, kissing him chastely on the cheek. His hips were still rolling against Dean and Dean moaned, angling his head so that he could kiss Cas too. And he did, on the neck, on the cheek and then, fucking finally, on the lips again.

This time Cas gasped and the action opened his mouth. Dean wasted no time sliding his tongue in and then Cas was kissing him back as if his life depended on it. He was inexperienced, obviously, but Dean hardly noticed and Cas made up for it by enthusiastically sucking on Dean’s lower lip.

"Dean." He whined and Dean’s hips stuttered. "I need… I _need_ to…"

" Yeah, yeah." Dean rasped against the boys’ lips. "Me too. Fuck, me too."

He reached between them and quickly undid the boy’s jeans, practically ripping them to get to Cas’ little dick. It was so hard and the head was an angry shade of red. Dean wanted to suck it, to feel it slide down his throat and to taste Cas’ come but he had no time to do anything because suddenly Cas’ hands were on Dean’s crotch, determinedly pushing Dean’s hand away.

"You too." He whispered and Dean moaned brokenly before kissing Cas again, letting the boy work his pants open and pull him out.

Fucking hell, Cas’ hands felt perfect around Dean’s heated flesh. They pulled experimentally and Dean realized immediately that Cas had been practicing this.

"Jesus Christ." He groaned, both at the feeling and at the thought of Cas lying in his bed, his slim legs spread as he touched himself. Dean’s orgasm was building so quickly that he didn’t know what was what anymore. Just that he needed to come, needed to feel Cas come. Just _needed_.

With minimal regret he pushed the boy’s hands aside. Cas made a disgruntled noise but when Dean grabbed the both of them in his big hand Cas arched his back, his eyes flying open.

"Oh!" he exclaimed and Dean started mouthing at his throat, loving the way he felt the Adam’s apple bob and the taste of Cas’ sweat on his tongue. So sweet, just like the boy. "Oh, Dean, I-I…"

"Do it, baby." Dean growled against Cas’ throat, feeling his own orgasm seconds away with the way Cas’ dick was pressing against the underside of his. His hand sped up. "Want to feel you come all over me."

Cas moaned and spread his legs wider, his small hands grasping harshly at Dean’s shoulders. "Yes, Dean, I… It’s… Oh!" his whole body shook as he came all over Dean’s hand and dick, his mouth hanging open in a silent cry and fuck, he had never looked more beautiful.

Dean barely let the boy come down from his high before he released Cas’ dick and really started fucking his own hand, Cas’ spunk eased the going so much so that Dean was seeing stars. He grunted when he came all over Cas’ limp body and Cas pressed closer, pulling Dean’s head down to kiss him again and goddamnit, it felt so right that Dean almost started crying.

He stood for a long while, forehead pressed against Cas’, hugging the boy to him, before the enormity of what they had done hit him. What _he_ had done. He looked down and when he saw the mess he had made on Cas he jerked back.

Cas slumped down the sink and looked sleepily at Dean. "Dean?" he asked and actually reached out a hand. Dean swallowed and stepped closer but didn’t take the boy’s hand. Cas ended up resting it against Dean’s stomach and somehow that was worse.

"Fuck, Cas, this… This is bad." He whispered and Cas frowned.

"Why?"

"I…" he raked his hands through his hair, probably getting dried sperm and pee all over himself but that was the farthest thing from his mind. "Fuck, we can’t _do_ things like this."

" Why?" Cas asked again, his whole face scrunched up in confusion.

"Because it’s not normal!" Dean hissed loudly and Cas actually jerked back. "I’m an adult, I can’t be doing things like this with a child."

Cas clearly looked as if he didn’t understand. "But… Didn’t you like it?"

"Of course I did, that’s the problem." Dean said, his voice rising dangerously high with Sammy sleeping just down the hall. He took a firm grip on Cas’ shoulder. "We can’t ever do things like this again. _Ever_."

Cas looked like he was seconds away from crying but instead of kissing him like he wanted to, Dean stepped away from him. "No, but Dean…" Cas said in a shaky voice and reached for Dean again but Dean didn’t budge. "I—"

"No, Cas." Dean said firmly and turned half-way away from the boy. "This is wrong and it’s disgusting, we will never speak of this again." There, that was perhaps a bit harsher than he had intended but at least this would be over. This was for the better. When he looked back at Cas he could see the boy crying silently and his heart tore. "You-you get out of those clothes and take a shower before you go to bed. I will clean them for you." He stepped out of the bathroom without as much as a glance back at the boy. Neither did he help Cas get ready for bed or tuck him in. He hid in his room like a coward and couldn’t for the life of him sleep that night.

  


*********

  


The next day Dean still felt like an ass. And not just any ass, a child-molesting ass. It had kind of sounded like Cas wanted Dean and it sure as hell had felt like it too and that just made everything worse. He had fucking corrupted a child and he needed to just end himself. It was just Sammy that kept him from rushing off and driving his car down a cliff. Sam still needed him and it was with that thought that he went up and made breakfast.

Cas’ eyes were red from crying and he didn’t look at Dean the whole time. Sam kind of assumed it had something to do with the beating they had taken so he didn’t question it. But of course Dean knew better and the thought of Cas lying awake in the night, crying, made everything even worse. He never wanted this boy to be sad and now he was the goddamn reason for it. He had told Cas that he would always be there for him and then just hours later he had rejected Cas, _after sex_ , in the worst possible way. Dean felt worse than a dung beetle.

_Sammy_ , he had to think as he drove home from dropping Cas off, Sam chatting happily in the seat beside him. _You have keep going for Sammy._

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are the chapters getting shorter? Sigh...


	5. The breaking point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh the feels in this one! Also, more porn. Dean tries to handle things maturely.

  
  


If Dean had thought the last two weeks had been hard this coming one felt like hell. He had not only to deal with his crippling self-hate but also try and hide it from Sam. Michael had called on Tuesday to ask if the Winchesters wanted to come over for dinner so obviously Cas’ family wasn’t clued in on what was going on but Dean had respectfully declined nonetheless. Sammy had been mad, not at all understanding and Dean couldn’t very well blame him. Then, on Wednesday, he had spotted Cas together with Sam as Sam was walking to the parking lot where Dean waited for him. He had straightened up a little but when Cas saw Dean he skidded to a halt and according to Sam when Dean asked him later Cas had said that he had forgotten something and that they should just drive off without him. Sammy accepted this because why wouldn’t he but Dean knew better. He spent that night absolutely refusing to cry about his fucked up life and when Thursday morning hit him like a freight train he was so tired he could barely drive straight.

Sam came home Thursday evening, happy and talking about this girl he wanted to take to the movies. Dean actually allowed himself to feel glad for his brother’s sake and agreed to give him the money needed. The date — which wasn’t a date according to Sam because gross Dean — was to take place on Friday evening and Dean couldn’t stop himself before asking about Sam and Cas’ sleep-over thing. Sam had said that Cas had been the one encouraging Sam to ask Jess out and that maybe they could do it on Saturday instead. Big hopeful puppy eyes on Sam’s part made Dean say yes.

So that was how he ended up sitting alone on the Friday drowning his sorrows in whisky. It was absurd, he thought, but he needed the burning liquor to take the pain away. What he should be doing was call some of his friends, maybe watch a football game with them. If he hadn’t needed to be home for when Sammy scampered back from him non-date Dean would have gone to the Roadhouse and drunken his ass off. Considering how that had gone last time, though, he was actually a little relieved to be able to use Sam as an excuse and just get hammered in his own home.

Fuck, he thought he was getting dangerously close to dad’s behavior as he stumbled into the kitchen for a refill. He would have to get this under check. But not right now, now he just wanted to drink until his feelings went numb and he was quickly getting there. He could barely see for all the blurriness and accidentally took one of Sam’s Cokes when he reached for a beer. Grunting, he put it back and pulled a beer out, opening it and downing an unhealthy amount before belching and closing the fridge. Yeah, Sam would hate coming home to a drunken brother but Dean figured he had a legitimate reason and besides, it wasn’t like he was always drunk.

He was so surprised when the doorbell rang that he actually crashed into the wall on his way over to it. Who the hell would ring his door? What few friends he had never came over and Sammy had a key.

Dean was frowning in thought when he opened and had to blink to clear his mind before he realized that he was staring into Cas’ blue eyes. "Cas?" he asked, his speech slurred and the boy cocked his head to the side.

"Are you drunk?"

Dean bobbed his head in affirmation and took a swing of his beer. This was not good. He couldn’t have the forbidden object of his desires here when he was trying to get over him. And while Dean was drunk and… vulnerable. There, he said it. He was fucking vulnerable, okay?

"What’re ya doin’ ‘ere?" Dean managed to mumble. "Sammy’s at the movies."

Cas narrowed his eyes at Dean but didn’t respond. Instead he just pushed past Dean into the apartment and Dean let him. He closed the door and looked at it accusingly for a moment before he followed the boy into the kitchen. When he got there Cas was by the sink, filling a glass with water.

"You should drink something."

"I am." Dean said and waved the can of beer, sniggering at his own cleverness. "Ser’sly tho Cas, Sammy won’t be home for a while. You should…" he looked the boy up and down and unconsciously licked his lips. "You’ll play with him t’morrow."

Cas frowned and put the glass of water on the table when Dean declined it, coming to stand too fucking close to Dean’s swaying body. "I know Sam’s not home. He’s out on a date with Jessica."

"Nuh uh." Dean said and waggled his finger. "Not a date."

"Whatever."

"Yeah, I know, right?" Dean sniggered again and tried to take another swing of his beer but Cas caught the can and pulled it from Dean’s limp fingers to place it, too, on the table

"Dean." He said and sighed. "I was the one who told him to go on the date. I wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be home when I came here to talk to you."

Dean blinked dumbly. "How’d ya know I was goin’ to be home?"

Cas looked at Dean then as if he knew so much more and for a moment he looked so old that Dean’s heart clenched painfully. He actually put a hand over it and Cas’ eyes caught the action.

"Because you wouldn’t leave when you know Sam’s going to be home soon. And because you’re upset."

"Not." Dean mumbled.

"I am too."

"Jesus." Dean breathed and had to steady himself with a hand on the back of one of the chairs. "I’m sorry Cas. I shouldn’t have done what I did to you."

Cas stepped even closer and looked up at Dean through his lashes. Dean was too drunk to pretend that he didn’t get aroused at the sight, even through all the sadness.

"Which part exactly?" Cas asked and his voice was too husky for a little kid who cried after getting bullied. And who peed his pants. All over Dean… "Kiss me or push me away?"

"B-both." Dean stammered. "Shit, Cas, don’t you see that it’s wrong?"

Cas cocked his head to the side again and he seemed to be considering Dean’s neck, as if he could see the older man’s pulse pounding there. "I’ve realized some things over these last weeks." He started and Dean swallowed heavily. "And I realized even more last week when Sam told me about Jessica. He’s always thought Jess was kind of cool but he told me that lately he had been thinking about her lips and what they would feel like." He looked up to meet Dean’s eyes, his own blue ones bold as he pushed even closer. "He said that he wanted to kiss her and that that made him think he might like her. This had me thinking." His hands came up to bunch in Dean’s tee and Dean’s breathing was labored already. "I want to kiss you, Dean." Cas whispered and Dean stumbled back.

"Fuck, Cas. You can’t just say stuff like that." He combed his hand through his hair, his eyes wild as they looked anywhere but the boy. "You’re too young."

Cas actually nodded at that. "I guessed you would say that but I know more than you think, Dean. I asked Gabriel about kissing and stuff and he showed me a movie." Cas slid up to Dean again and Dean let him. He was too drunk and too aroused by the boy’s presence not to. "It was a very good movie, Dean. It showed me what grown men like." He breathed against Dean’s neck and Dean made a high pitched sound that snapped himself out of his hazy state.

He spun them around and with his hands on Cas’ slim shoulders he pushed the boy up against the wall at arm’s distance. "Stop it." He said and didn’t sound as firm as he had wanted too, not in the least. He sounded fucking wrecked and by the look of it Cas noticed too.

The boy reached up with his small hands and stroked Dean’s arms until they shook enough for him to get out of Dean’s grip. "Let me show you, Dean, what I learned for you." With that he slipped to the floor and started unbuttoning Dean’s jeans.

Dean groaned deeply in the back of his throat and leaned his hands on the wall above Cas, crowding over the boy. Who the fuck knew Cas could be so seductive when he wanted too? Dean had easily been seduced by Cas’ innocence but this was even worse. Or better. Cas’ hands worked fast on Dean’s fly and his eyes gleamed when he reached inside and found Dean already hardening.

"Shit, Cas, it was a porno, wasn’t it?" Dean moaned when Cas pulled him out, licking his plump lips.

Cas looked up at Dean and for a moment fear flicked over his face, as if he thought Dean would be mad that he had watched porn with his brother. But then it disappeared and he nodded before bending forward to put his mouth on the head of Dean’s dick. Dean swore loudly and flung his head back.

It felt goddamn amazing. Cas’ mouth was warm and eager and his little tongue snaked around the head and into the slit like he hadn’t ever tasted anything so good in his short life. Dean’s body was practically trembling with the effort of not ramming himself deep down Cas’ throat. Cas tried as best he could, though, to take as much of Dean in his mouth as he could and what he couldn’t he massaged with his fingers. He was soon drooling and when he tried swallowing with Dean in his mouth and ended up gagging just a little Dean just about fucking came.

He looked down and put a hand on Cas’ head, caressing his hair. "Fuck baby." He moaned. "Feels so fucking good, you have no idea." He gritted his teeth when Cas looked up to meet Dean’s eyes as he took Dean into his mouth again.

Cas’ eyes almost fluttered closed as if he was really goddamn enjoying this and Dean’s hand in the boy’s hair tightened when he saw. He was bending over more now, unable to stand straight with the pleasure coursing through his body but Cas didn’t seem to mind. He just pressed closer to Dean, one hand working Dean’s cock and the other coming down to massage Dean’s aching balls.

"S-shit." Dean stuttered and his hips bucked on their own. He didn’t want to hurt Cas but fuck the boy wasn’t making it easy on him. All he wanted to do was fuck Cas’ face. "Shit baby, gonna come soon." He said warningly and didn’t realize how true that was until he said it out loud.

Cas popped off with a wet sound, both his hands coming up to jerk Dean off. "Do it Dean." He said, his voice unusually deep and it made Dean shiver. "Come over my face, just like in the movie."

"Fucking hell." Dean growled, torn between letting Cas’ delicious hands continue and to push them away to jerk himself off quickly. "Fuck, Cas, I need to come."

"Yes, Dean." Cas moaned and bent forwards to lick at the head as it disappeared and reappeared in his little fist. "Do it. I want to taste it so bad."

"Oh, God…" Dean gritted his teeth as he felt his balls drawing up. His whole body was on fire and he was sweating from the goddamn need. "_Jesus_ , Cas, I—" he cut himself off with a groan when it finally ripped free and he looked down just in time to see his dick release itself all over Cas’ waiting face.

Cas opened his mouth and caught much of it on his tongue but a lot landed on his cheeks and around his mouth. Dean gasped as his dick let out spurt after spurt and he had to grip his cock when the sensations got to be too much.

"Holy shit." He groaned and fucking meant it. He never thought he could come that hard, or that much. He closed his eyes briefly but opened them immediately when he heard a quiet moaning below him. He looked down only to see Cas catching what come hadn’t landed in his mouth with his fingers and bringing them to his mouth to suck them off, his eyes heavily lidded and his cheeks flushed.

Dean’s mouth went dry and a new wave of arousal hit him. He bent down to rip Cas up to his legs and then further up so that the boy’s legs straddled Dean’s waist and he had Cas pressed up against the wall. He kissed him hard and Cas’ arms went around Dean’s neck to pull him in closer as Dean started licking his own come off the boy’s face.

"So fucking hot." Dean was growling and Cas mewled, bucking his hips against Dean. "You don’t even fucking know. So sexy, my beautiful baby boy."

"Yes, Dean." Cas moaned and that was when Dean felt the distinct hard-on pressing against his stomach.

"You hard Cas?" he asked against the boy’s panting mouth. "Did your little dick get hard from you sucking me off?"

Cas blushed very prettily and shyly for someone still half-covered in come. "I-I…"

Dean put his hands on Cas’ hips and helped him roll against Dean, loving the feeling of Cas’ dick against him. "Do you need to pee Cas? Is that why you’re hard?"

"N-no." Cas answered and moaned when Dean sucked on his neck. "I don’t need to pee. I liked sucking on you."

"Yeah you fucking did." Dean breathed and slid them down to the floor. "You saw the man in the movie like it and you wanted to make me feel like that, isn’t that right?" he kissed his way down Cas’ chest and stomach, fumbling with the boy’s jeans.

"Yes." Cas groaned loudly and arched his back when Dean sucked on his nipple through his tee. "I-I wanted to taste you. There was a woman sucking the man off but I couldn’t stop looking at his dick. I-I thought of you and I got hard."

"Shit." Dean mumbled and all but ripped the boy’s jeans and underwear off. "Was this before or after last Friday?"

"After." Cas looked down at Dean where he hovered above Cas’ hard dick. "I kept thinking about what we did in the bathroom." He put his hands on Dean’s head, urging him down. "I want more, Dean."

Fuck it all to hell. Dean went down and just swallowed Cas whole. Cas screamed and bucked up wildly and Dean let him. He had given a few blow-jobs in his life and he was no stranger to some roughness but Cas was so small in his mouth that it didn’t matter how much he bucked his hips and how hard he pressed Dean’s head down; there was nothing he could do to make Dean gag. And if that wasn’t a wake-up call Dean didn’t know what was but fuck if he cared at the moment.

He just scooted down with his lower body to lie more comfortably while he let Cas fuck his face. And Cas was panting and moaning so beautifully that Dean felt as if he could live off the sounds the boy made alone.

Cas’ movements soon became erratic and Dean slid his hands around to grab at the boy’s tight little ass, letting his fingers slip in just a little between the deliciously rounded cheeks. Cas whined and grabbed Dean’s hair hard enough to hurt but fuck if that didn’t make Dean’s dick twitch happily.

"Dean!" he panted. "Dean, I need to, need to do it."

_Yes_ , Dean thought and sucked harder as Cas fucked up faster. He wanted Cas to come in his mouth so badly that he felt as if he would catch on fire if he didn’t.

"Dean, Dean, I can’t hold it. I… You… Fuck!"

Dean moaned loudly when Cas swore and then again when the boy’s little dick released itself, spending Cas’ spunk deeply down Dean’s greedy throat. Cas curled up and cradled Dean’s head to his crotch as Dean swallowed around him, body shaking and his breath ragged.

When the first high of the orgasm subsided he eventually unfurled himself and lay down on the floor. Dean rested his face against Cas’ hip, the boy’s now flaccid dick not even half an inch from Dean’s mouth. Cas still had his hands in Dean’s hair.

Dean was so drunk and so sated that he could have fallen asleep on the floor right then and there and not cared. He wanted the moment to last forever but of course it didn’t.

Cas’ hand in his hair suddenly tightened and Dean turned his head to look up at the boy. Cas was staring at the ceiling, a determined look on his beautiful face.

"I like you, Dean." He said resolutely and Dean’s heart felt as if it was pumping lead. He disentangled himself and sat up against the wall.

"No, Cas." He mumbled and hid his face in his hands. "Don’t say that."

"But it’s true." Cas said heatedly and Dean could practically hear the frown in his voice. Dean startled when Cas crawled into his lap and straddled him so that their dicks touched. "Did you think I have that bad bladder control?" he asked accusingly and Dean finally lowered his hands to look at Cas. The boy looked mad and fuck if it didn’t make him look even hotter. "I mean, yeah, the first times but that time on the couch…" He looked away, blushing. "I wanted you to touch me and I didn’t know how to make it happen otherwise."

"Shit." Dean mumbled and lifted his hand to caress Cas’ right cheek. "Are you serious?"

Cas boldly met his eyes. "Yeah." He answered, almost angrily and Dean swallowed hard. "I didn’t know what it was about but I couldn’t stand you telling me we couldn’t touch. So I made you. And then…" he looked down and gnawed at his lower lip for a moment. "Then I thought about what Sam’d told me about Jessica and I… I thought about you." He looked back up to meet Dean’s despairing gaze. "And I watched that movie."

"Cas, we can’t—"

"You like me too, don’t you?"

"I do." Dean whispered and knew that it was true. He was in love with a fucking twelve-year-old. This _had to_ stop. " But we can’t, Cas."

"Why?" Cas asked, suddenly close to tears as if he was realizing that this probably wasn’t happening. "I did like the lady in the movie and you liked it. Why can’t I be your lady?"

Goddamnit, it felt as if Dean’s heart was being ripped out of his chest and stomped on. "Because Cas," he mumbled and rubbed his thumb against the boy’s cheek. "I’m an adult and you’re a child, it’s not right. You don’t know what you’re asking for and society wouldn’t allow it."

"Then they can go to hell." Cas said heatedly, his hands balling into fists against Dean’s chest.

"No, Cas. You will understand when you’re grown up. You don’t know what this is about. You have your whole life before you and I could go to jail."

Cas’ eye rounded out at that. "Jail?" asked.

Dean nodded. "Yeah, it’s very illegal for me to touch you like this."

"Then why did you?"

It was Dean’s turn to look down and when he saw their dicks pressed together, saw the very big difference in seize, it made him even more resolute. "Because I couldn’t not do it." He whispered. "Because I need you, because I like you very much." Cas’ breath hitched at the confession and Dean felt like crying. When he looked up he saw that silent tears were running down Cas’ cheeks. "But I’m not allowed, Cas. Please don’t tempt me anymore, I’m not strong enough to withhold."

Cas leaned in and hugged Dean close, crying openly now that this reality was sinking in. "But you said—"

"I know baby." Dean mumbled and hugged Cas hard, his nose buried in the boy’s hair. "But we can’t. You have to be strong. Be strong for me too."

  


*********

  


After Dean had dropped Cas off at his house Dean spent the rest of the evening in his bedroom, sitting on the edge of his bed and just trying to fucking breathe. He had broken up with both girlfriends and boyfriends before and nothing had even come close to this feeling. He actually felt as if he was dying.

When he heard the front door open he bolted to the bathroom and locked himself in. He answered Sam through the door that he was feeling sick and Sam accepted it. Dean wished it was true, wished the way he ended up puking had something to do with a stomach virus or all the alcohol he had consumed. But he was far from ill and the shock of really and truly ending it with Cas had sobered him up quicker than any coffee in the world could have.

He spent a long time in the shower, actually crying, with his forehead rested against the cold tile.

  


*********

  


Dean pretended to be sick for the whole weekend, not at all feeling up for some goddamn family fun trip. He could hardly look at Sam without feeling guilty and as soon as his thoughts turned to Cas he felt his eyes tearing up and had to run to the bathroom to hide until he got it under control. Fortunately Sam seemed to take his gasping and hulking for dry heaving and never once questioned it. His confirmation that Dean was indeed sick with some kind of stomach flu came when Cas cancelled their sleep-over with the very same excuse. Dean thought that Cas and he were so perfect for each other that it was evil how faith had screwed them over.

When Monday reared its ugly butt Dean had to pick himself up off the bathroom floor to drive Sam to school and himself to work. Bobby definitely noticed Dean’s zombie-like state but he did what he did best and comforted Dean with his actions instead of words. Dean would be forever grateful to the old man and he felt guilty for not telling Bobby what the problem was. He wanted to, wanted the man’s advice, but he of course shut up about it.

When he was going to cook dinner Tuesday evening he found the half-eaten jar of honey and stood staring at it for so long that the pasta overcooked and flooded the stove.

"Shit." He mumbled and ripped the pot off the stove just as the front door opened. It shut again with such force that Dean actually jumped. He put the pot down in the sink and went out into the hall. "What’s going on?" he asked when he saw Sam standing there, fuming.

Sam turned his furious eyes at Dean. "It’s your fault!" the kid yelled and Dean’s eyebrows shot to the roof.

"What?" he asked but Sammy just stalked past him. Dean had to grip his upper arm to stop him. "Come on Sam, what is it?"

Sam whirled around and shrugged Dean’s hand off. "Cas is moving away and it’s _all your fault_!"

Dean’s blood froze. Fuck, had Cas told anyone? "W-why?" he asked and Sam squinted angrily at him.

"Why is he moving or why is it your fault?"

"Both." Dean answered and meant it, trying to sound nonchalant. It was one thing to have his heart broken by this but it was a whole other matter to have Sam angry at him because of it too.

"His parents have bought a house in Pontiac and they wanted their kids to come live with them, I don’t know why he said yes but he told me he did."

Dean’s breathing felt labored but he tried to hide it. "I fail to see how that is my fault."

"It is!" Sam shrieked, flailing out with his arms. "You told his mom she should do something about him being bullied and her never being around. And I know you called her about that last time Crowley beat up Cas, even though I told you not to!"

Dean swallowed. Okay, all that was true. He had ended up calling Becky about that beating instead of the school. No matter how guilty he had felt about what had happened between him and Cas in the bathroom he still needed her to know that he wouldn’t stand for Cas getting bullied anymore and she had apparently reacted like this. He wanted her and Chuck to be in Cas’ life and help him but he never wanted Cas to move away. And all the way to Illinois at that…

"Sam, I never meant to—"

"Save it, Dean." Sammy hissed and stormed off to his room. Dean didn’t even try to follow him, too upset himself with this turn of events to be able to calm his little brother.

He sat at the kitchen table for a long moment with the phone in his hand and the smell of the brunt meatballs lingering around him before he eventually manned up enough to dial Cas’ home number.

To his shock it was actually Cas that answered the phone.

"Um…" Dean said intelligently. "It’s Dean."

Cas’ breath hitched and he heard the boy moving rapidly and seconds later a door closed in the background. "Dean." Cas almost whispered.

"Yeah… Hi."

Cas was quiet for a moment and Dean could practically see him gnawing his lower lip in that way of his. "Did… Did you want to talk to Michael?"

Dean huffed and rubbed a hand down his tired face. "I wanted to talk to you, Cas."

Cas made a sound half-way between shocked and pleased. "Why?"

Dean couldn’t take this beating ‘round the bush anymore. "Why are you moving away, Cas?"

"I…" it sounded as if Cas cradled the phone to his ear. "I think you know why."

"Yeah, but…" Dean had to take a shaky breath. "What prompted your parents to do this?"

"Mom said they were tired of driving back and forth and they wanted to be there for me and Gabriel like they hadn’t been for Michael." He actually sounded like he was smiling and Dean’s heart felt too big for his chest. "She said they had been talking about buying a house in Pontiac for a long time but that they finally did it after me being bullied kind of escalated and after she’d talked to you."

"Fuck." Dean mumbled and rubbed his face again. "I just wanted your parents to take better care of you, not whisk you away to another fucking state."

Cas swallowed audibly. "It… It’s better like this, though." He sounded like he was crying. "Isn’t it?"

"I…" Dean wanted to scream, to break things, to tell Cas that no, it wasn’t fucking better. "I guess."

"They asked Gabriel and Michael too and Gabriel wanted to move too but Michael wanted to stay here with Naomi so they’re letting him keep the house. Maybe…" Cas took a shaky breath. "I’ll come visit and stuff."

"Yeah." Dean agreed because what the hell was he supposed to say? It wasn’t as if Cas was or ever could be his boyfriend and besides, he had already pushed the boy away, telling him to be strong for Dean and himself both. This was Cas being strong.

"It’ll be fine, Dean, won’t it?" and Cas sounded so hopeful that Dean actually broke down crying right there in his kitchen with the phone pressed to his ear.

"Yes." He gasped. "It’s going to be fine baby. You’ll have a wonderful life, meet wonderful people and fall in love and get married and you’ll be happy. So happy, baby boy."

"Yeah?" Cas asked, clearly crying as well. "You really think so? I’m doing the right thing?"

Dean couldn’t believe a fucking _child_ was asking him this. Cas seemed so grown-up to Dean in that moment that he could hardly breathe.

" You are." He said as firmly as he could. "You’re doing so good baby."

He sat for a long time in the kitchen after they had ended their call, crying and desperately trying not to. When Sam finally emerged from his bedroom, still hell bent on tearing Dean a new one he found his brother red eyed and shivering at the table. He looked at Dean for a long time and when Dean finally met his eyes Sam’s softened and he took the phone from his brother to dial for pizza.

  
  



	6. Ten years later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angst. Fluff. Smooch. Smut. More Smooch. I’m barely trying to be serious about these summaries anymore…

  
  


Dean sighed as he sat watching the Packers game, a by now room tempered beer in his hand. The game was a rerun but he had promised his friend Jo that he would watch it before they met up on Sunday so here he was. He felt disinterested, though, and had muted it half-way through.

Over the years he had grown pretty lethargic but it seemed more prominent today and he didn’t know why in particular but suspected it had something to do with the conversation he had had with Lisa this morning. They had broken up three weeks prior and it had been her initiative but damn if she was going to let him slide easily. Dean couldn’t even remember what she’d wanted this time. To talk about what had gone wrong? If they still had a chance? To see if she had forgotten anything when she moved out what little articles she’d had here? He didn’t know and he didn’t care. Had, to be frank, been pretty relieved when she’d broken it off. It wasn’t that he hated her, he just didn’t love her. Was honestly a little unsure if he could love.

Dean knew, though, that talking to Lisa made him weary nowadays despite their relationship having ended on fairly good terms. The last ten years had been dreary and to be honest, pretty depressing for him but for the first part he had managed not to think about that boy with those fucking blue eyes and just focused on Sam. He had had a few flings, slept around enough to consider himself a whore and had had so few steady relationships that he could count them on one hand but he had managed. Now, though, that his little brother was all grown up and over in fucking Stanford on a scholarship Dean felt himself slowly slipping into a stupor. No wonder Lisa had broken up with him. He was 32 years old but still worked as a mechanic with Bobby, still hung out with the same people at the Roadhouse, and still lived in this shitty apartment with the same shitty furniture. He had even managed to convince himself that he had to stay here, had to keep Sam’s room just the way it was when the kid left, so that when Sam came to visit him he would have somewhere to sleep.

Truth was, though, that Sam rarely had time to visit and when they wanted to spend time together Dean just took some time off work and drove over to California. Sam rented a house off campus together with his long-time girlfriend Jess and even their spare room was nicer than Dean’s own bedroom. It made him both proud and sad.

_Yeah_ , he thought as he got up to fetch yet another beer when he’d finished the disgustingly warm one. _No fucking wonder Lisa left me._ Just like all of his other boyfriends and girlfriends. No one could take Dean’s shit for longer than necessary and with that in mind kudos to Lisa for sticking around almost two years. She’d wanted him to give up the apartment, though, and come live with her. And Dean just… just couldn’t.

He stood by the fridge for a long moment, considering whether to just bring more than one beer out to the living room but eventually decided against it. As long as he had to get up to walk out here he kept his drinking in check. Because let’s face it, Dean was just about one shot away from becoming John Winchester. All he ever did was fucking sit around the apartment, drinking and listening to music. Sam didn’t know, of course; could never ever know. Not about the drinking and not about the meaningless sex. The kid still looked up to Dean and he would be damned before he let Sammy down.

With that in mind he closed the fridge with a can of Coke in his hand instead of a beer. His eyes drifted momentarily to the bottle of Jack that stood on the shelf beside the fridge but he managed to tear his eyes away. He was pathetic and he knew it but these little victories made him feel better about himself. What the hell they were for he never knew.

His doorbell rang as he was returning to the living room and he stopped in the hallway, frowning at it. Probably some damn kids selling cookies or something because who the hell else would that be? Not like people came and visited him. Yeah, that was just what he needed on top of everything; cookies to feed his munchies. He scoffed and went to sit down on the couch but the bell rang again and he put down the Coke with more force than necessary, sighing resignedly.

"Fine, fine." He muttered on his way over and his voice felt and sounded raw from disuse. Now that he thought about he hadn’t used it since he’d said goodbye to Bobby after lunch, taking a half-day for some fucked up reason. Wasn’t like he needed to be anywhere anymore. Wasn’t like anyone needed him.

He opened the door and was surprised to find not little scouts but a grown man standing there. The man was… fuck, he was breathtaking. Dean swallowed as he gave the guy a once over, taking in his lean body, tousled hair and brilliantly blue eyes. There was something about him, something that tugged at Dean’s mind but he couldn’t place it. The man’s stare was so intense that Dean had to swallow again.

"Can I help you?" he asked, his voice hoarse and the man drew a sharp breath.

"Dean."

Dean blinked incredulously. It couldn’t be, could it? He hadn’t seen him since… since _that_ time but it still couldn’t be so, right? Not after so long.

" Castiel?" he asked, his voice a low whisper because holy fuck, it was true.

A slow smile spread over Cas’ face, both smug and so very bold that Dean’s knees felt weak. "Hello, Dean." He answered, his voice so incredibly deep that Dean shouldn’t have recognized it but he did. He fucking did.

"Cas, wha-what are you—?"

Cas took a step forwards and Dean let him into his apartment without thinking. His head was swimming with disused emotions and he stood for a long time just staring at the door after he had closed it. Not once in all these ten years had Cas called or visited. Dean would hear tidbits from Sam because the boys had been speaking on and off but this…

He went inside and found Cas standing in the kitchen, his hands on his hips as he took in the familiar space and Dean blushed when he realized it looked the fucking same as the last time Cas had been here. As when he had given Dean a blow-job and Dean had sucked him off down on the floor…

He swallowed hard, _again_. " What are you doing here?" he asked and immediately regretted how accusing it sounded, as if Cas wasn’t allowed to visit. "Sam’s at Stanford." He clarified when Cas turned around and cocked his head to the side.

"I know." Cas answered in that deep voice of his that shouldn’t do things to Dean — not after everything and not after all this time — but still did. "I came to see you."

"W-why?"

"Dean." Cas murmured and slid up to Dean. "Before we continue _any_ conversations I have one question to ask."

Dean backed up and ended up pressed against the kitchen counter when Cas followed and crowded him against it. "What?" he asked, trying to sound his age but fuck if Cas’ presence made it easy. He was still half-drunk, his mind reeling from the conversation with Lisa and his own crippling self-hate. He wasn’t even sure Cas was actually here or if this was some kind of fucked up dream and he was passed out on the couch. Wasn’t like that wouldn’t be the first time.

Cas grabbed Dean’s left hand in his slim fingers and Dean’s heart just about stopped. Cas’ hand was so soft compared to Dean’s calloused one and he still felt smaller than Dean but his grip was strong. And he was so very grown-up it hurt Dean’s mind to think about. Cas brought Dean’s hand up to make Dean look at it, his thumb and finger pressing against Dean’s empty ring finger.

"Does this mean you’re free?" he leaned in closer and Dean could smell him. Fucking hell, he still smelled the same. "Does this mean you’re available?"

Dean glanced down at his hand and then up again to meet Cas’ intense stare. "I…" his mind went blank. Was Cas really asking what Dean thought he was? "I’m single." He stated and tried to sound casual about it but failed.

Cas breathed a sigh of relief and dropped Dean’s hand to lean his own on the counter on either side of Dean’s hips, effectively trapping the older man. "Thank God." He mumbled, his head hanging as he apparently tried to compose himself.

"Why-why do you ask?" Dean stammered and wanted to ask so much more. Why, out of everything, was this Cas’ first question? Why was Cas here at all? What was he _doing_?

" You know," Cas started as if Dean hadn’t said anything, his head still hanging down so that Dean’s nostrils got full of the scent of the other man’s hair. "I wanted to come home for so long. I’ve missed you so much, you don’t even know. But I couldn’t." He looked up and Dean had to click his tongue to get moisture going in his mouth.

"I thought your home _was_ in Pontiac?"

" Don’t be ridiculous." Cas raised a hand to gently cup Dean’s cheek and Dean was embarrassed to admit that he hadn’t been shaving the last couple of days and had quite the stubble going. Cas didn’t seem to mind though, just caressed Dean’s cheek with his thumb as if he was precious. "I wanted to come home to you but I couldn’t until I was ready. You have no idea how much restraint it took me not to drive here when I turned eighteen." He smiled a little, as if the memory was a fond one and Dean’s heart hammered painfully in his chest. "But I had to be ready first, I had to become a proper adult for you." He leaned in impossibly close, his breath ghosting over Dean’s parted lips.

"Why?" Dean asked, his voice a low whisper and Cas actually chuckled. The sound shot straight to Dean’s dick and he almost whined. It was too much. Ten years of self-hate, depression and suppressing and now Cas was fucking here, all grown up and standing so close as if nothing had happened. As if nothing wrong had happened and as if it had never ended.

"I think you know why." He raised an eyebrow provocatively. "And judging by the way you’re looking at me and not pushing me away I’d say you feel the same way."

"Cas." Dean all but whimpered but he didn’t know what he was protesting. The suddenness of it maybe? The emotional overload it caused. The fact that this couldn’t be fucking real.

"You know, Dean," Cas mumbled, his lips almost touching Dean’s as he spoke and Dean’s body trembled so much he knew Cas could feel it. "I lost my virginity at sixteen, to a guy in my art class named Dean, _just because_ he was named Dean. So that when I finally came on his cock, thinking about you, I wouldn’t have to be embarrassed to scream your name." Cas stepped up and that was when Dean felt it; felt how Cas was hardening slowly in his pants. Dean didn’t even try to angle his own hips away at this point. " He wasn’t ugly but he wasn’t anything special either, not like you." Cas scraped his lips across Dean’s cheek and over to his ear to murmur against it, every word sending vibrations down Dean’s spine. "But he did the trick, and when he took me from behind it was easy to pretend it was you. It wasn’t enough though. I wanted to call you so badly during all this time apart but I thought that just one moment with you would be enough to do me in and," he chuckled again and slowly pressed his hard-on against Dean’s hip. "And I was right."

"C-Cas." Dean stammered and put his hands on the other man’s hips to still him. "Cas, I… what I did to you…"

Cas pulled back slightly but left his hips still pressed snugly against Dean and his hands were around Dean’s neck. "I know you feel guilty about that but let me ask you this: did you feel attracted to me all those years ago? Or was I alone in my pining?"

Dean flushed but didn’t once think to lie, not with them like this and his dick betraying him so easily. This was _not_ how he had envisioned his Friday evening. " I did, Cas." He said honestly, his voice hoarse with emotions he had been suppressing for a decade. "I wanted you so badly. I-I _want_ you." And God, Dean had never spoken truer words.

Cas smiled and it looked both relieved and cocky. "And did you want me because I was a pretty child?" his gaze darkened and his voice lowered seductively. "Or in spite of that fact?"

"God, Cas." Dean whispered and looked down for a second before boldly meeting the man’s blue eyes. "I had never looked at a child like that and I never have since. Only you."

Cas leaned his forehead against Dean’s. "Thank God." He mumbled again and even though Dean agreed it still didn’t change anything about what Dean had done.

"I’m still a child molester, Cas." He said and managed to sound both sad and angry with himself. "There’s no changing that."

Cas leaned back out and considered Dean for a long moment. "I fell in love with you." He said eventually and Dean’s heart lodged in his throat. "I was young and didn’t really know what that meant but that’s what happened. I wanted nothing more than for you to look at only me. And I’ve kept on wanting that for ten years. I tried getting over you and I know you tried too. The first time Sam told me about you getting in a moderately serious relationship I cried myself to sleep for a week and then went out to party with Gabriel until even _he_ got worried. When you broke up with that boyfriend I wanted to drive over here and beg you to wait for me." He shifted and little and even though their hard-ons had simmered down a little Dean still felt a renewing spark at the movement. " I knew I needed to grow up, though. You were right, Dean, I do understand now why you did what you did, why you ended it. I _was_ too young and we both eventually did the right thing but it fucking hurt. So I wanted to make sure the next time I saw you I would be good enough." He leaned in again when Dean opened his mouth to protest, their lips almost touching again and the sensation really invigorated Dean’s dick. " I finished high school, I went to college, I studied hard and I became a writer. I kind of slid into the business with the help from my parents and a lot of other authors are going to hate me for it but I don’t care. I’m published, I make good money and I can live anywhere I want while working." His big blues met Dean’s wavering greens. "Do you understand what I am saying?"

Dean heart skipped a beat because he totally did. "I-I…" his hands on Cas’ hips tightened. "I can’t, Cas. I’m nothing. I haven’t changed in ten fucking years, I’m still the same kind of trash that molested a little kid and you… You’re so fucking brilliant I can barely look at you." The words rushed out of him and he actually felt a little lightheaded after. He panted slightly and Cas just looked at him calmly until he’d collected himself.

"So is that a yes? Or did I return to Sioux Falls one day earlier than I told Michael all for nothing?" he grinded his hips against Dean’s and Dean gasped in surprise at the pleasurable feelings. "This part is saying yes, Dean."

"C-Cas," he nearly sobbed. "You can’t just come here now, not after all this time. I’ve been dead for so long I don’t know how to live anymore, I don’t want you to get—"

Cas was pressing even closer, spreading his legs and Dean’s hands slid down his lean body on their own violation. Strong hands grabbed Cas’ toned ass and lifted his legs to wrap around Dean’s waist.

"I love you, Dean." Cas moaned against Dean’s panting mouth. "Then, now and always."

"Cas, no, don’t…"

"Just say you don’t want me, Dean." Cas was rolling his hips beautifully and jealousy shot sharply through Dean’s body when he thought of how Cas had acquired these skills. "Just say it and I will leave and never come back."

Dean snapped. Cas had left him and it had nearly destroyed Dean. Now he was back but possibly leaving again, just because Dean couldn’t fucking admit he wanted this? He growled possessively and reached up to grab Cas’ soft hair in one hand, turning them so that Cas was half sitting on the counter, his strong legs wrapped around Dean.

"I want you." He stated heatedly, his voice dangerously low and Cas moaned and bucked harder. "I _need_ you. You left me and you took my heart with you, I need you _here_ , with _me_."

Fuck, today was apparently a day for truths but Dean couldn’t even find it in him to feel embarrassed or shocked at the turn of events. All he could feel was Cas around him, his arms, his legs, his scent. Cas’ dick was pressing against Dean’s and it was definitely not a boy’s little prick anymore. It made Dean’s head swim with arousal and he shoved a hand down between them.

Cas’ head flung back when Dean’s fingers pressed against his hard-on, his eyes flying open. "Oh, God, yes." He groaned.

"You got sad hearing that I had a boyfriend? A girlfriend?" Dean asked with a low growl as he started unbuttoning Cas’ slacks. "How do you think I feel about hearing you giving yourself away to someone else? Someone else touching my baby boy?"

Cas fucking mewled, his composure completely different now that Dean’s walls had broken and their dynamic had changed. Dean loved it. "I thought about you the whole time, every time I was with someone else." Cas panted, breath ragged. "I needed you so much, needed a cock inside me and needed it to be you."

"Fuck, Cas." Dean groaned and when he finally managed to pull Cas’ dick out Cas put steady hands on Dean’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

Dean’s knees buckled and he had to catch himself against the counter. Cas’ lips were soft and plump against Dean’s and Dean whimpered when he eagerly slithered his tongue into Dean’s mouth. Their tongues tangled but it was obvious that Cas wanted to lose, wanted Dean to take control. Maybe in other aspects of their life Cas would be in control, would have everything figured out and Dean would gladly let him if it meant he could have Cas. But despite that it was obvious what Cas wanted here, in this moment, and Dean was more than happy to give it to him.

He grabbed Cas’ hair again and pulled his head back to exposed his neck for Dean to mark and he did so eagerly. Cas mewled and moaned, pushing his hips against Dean and almost fucking Dean’s hand, his dick leaking already.

"So gorgeous baby." Dean groaned and scraped his teeth along Cas’ pulse, making the man shiver. "You were such a beautiful child and now look at you." To make his point he bent back and finally let his eyes wander down to Cas’ dick. It was long and slim, curved slightly up against the man’s heaving stomach. "God, Cas." Dean mumbled and almost experimentally stroked the quivering dick. "I always knew you’d really fill out but fuck."

"Dean." Cas whined and pawed at Dean’s tee. "You too, want to see your fat dick. Been dreaming about it for a decade, can’t wait."

Dean’s breath stuttered at how wantonly Cas expressed himself. To see his articulate little boy like this felt like a fucking dream but Dean couldn’t even find it in himself to be sad at the prospect that it still might be one. That he still might wake up at any moment, painfully hard and alone, like so many other times. Right now he just wanted to enjoy what this beauty was offering him.

He chuckled lowly and watched, enthralled, how the sound made Cas shiver. He reached down and started undoing his jeans to pull his own aching erection out. "Don’t get too worked up, baby." He warned as Cas’ eyes hungrily zeroed in on his crotch. "Remember that you were only a kid back then." He felt uncomfortable bringing that up but he just really fucking hoped that Cas wouldn’t be disappointed.

All that concern went out the window, though, when he saw the way Cas’ eyes gleamed at the sight of Dean’s leaking cock and when Cas reached down to grab at it he bit his lower lip and his erection twitched.

"Dean." Cas gasped and started stroking Dean without any reservations. "You’re so perfect. Want you so badly." He looked up and his eyes were so black with lust that there was almost no blue left. Dean’s breath hitched and his dick jumped in Cas’ hand. "I want you inside me."

"Fuck, Cas." Dean moaned and leaned in to kiss him again. "Gonna kill me."

"Fuck me first."

Dean shuddered against the younger man. "Sh-should we though?" he managed to press out through the haze of arousal. "After all this time, shouldn’t we—"

"_Dean_." Cas said sternly and Dean shuddered again when he met Cas’ determined eyes. " We can talk all you want and we can plan our future together, _later_. I love you and I want to be with you forever but I swear to God, if you don’t fuck me soon I’m going to fucking end you."

Dean decided that yeah, fuck off responsibilities and mature reasoning. Hello carnal lust. "‘S not normal, ‘s all I’m saying. We meeting after such a long time and just jumping into bed." He wasn’t complaining, just elaborating, but Cas rolled his eyes at him all the same.

"What about us was ever normal?"

Dean supposed he had a point. He chuckled and pecked Cas on the lips. "I don’t know if I like bossy you or needy you the best." He admitted and Cas’ hips bucked when he started stroking the other man again.

"You-ah! You seemed to like it when I was needy before."

"You mean just now?" Dean smirked against Cas’ neck. "Or ten years ago?"

"B-both."

Dean hummed in agreement and gathered the both of them in his hand. Fuck, it had been long since he had had any human contact like this and it certainly had been too long since his senses were filled with _Cas_. Like this he might not even make it into the man before he shot his load. Then again, the night was young…

" True." He agreed and reveled in the way Cas clawed at his back when their erections touched, sliding together wonderfully with the help of their combined pre-come. "I did like you peeing all over yourself. All over me." He blushed at that fact, not really having wanted to admit that. But his face was buried against Cas’ sweaty neck so the other man didn’t see.

"Y-yeah?" Cas stammered, lost in arousal. "You have a pee-kink?"

Dean thought about it but then shook his head. "I have a you-kink." He smirked when he heard how his cheesy comment made Cas’ breath hitch. "I’ve never wanted that with anyone else but I really liked seeing you lose control. You looked so hot, you have no fucking idea."

Cas cradled Dean’s head to his neck as the older man started sucking on his skin. "I liked it too." He confessed in a hushed voice. "And the way you touched me when it happened. I wanted your hand on me like that first time in your bed and I didn’t know how to make that happen without having to pee and getting you to help me with it."

Dean nodded. "I remember. You said so when we sat here in the kitchen, about that time when you were sleeping on me on the couch."

Cas chuckled and Dean felt the vibrations against his lips. "I have a confession to make."

"Yeah?"

"Actually, I have several."

Dean leaned out even though he wanted to stay plastered to Cas. His hand around them had slowed down but he kept stroking languidly, unable to completely stop. The raw need was still coursing through his body and when he saw how wrecked Cas looked a sharp new wave shot through him.

"What, baby?"

"I woke up when you lied down that time." Cas looked shyly at Dean and the look was so familiar that Dean’s heart skipped a beat. "I just decided to pretend to sleep to be close to you and it felt so good, you have no idea. And then," he cleared his throat and glanced to the side. "Then I just decided to go for it. I wanted you to touch me so badly, even after telling me no, that I decided to pee my pants lying on top of you and see what happened." His eyes met Dean’s again and they were still so lust-blown that Dean’s throat constricted. "And it felt amazing."

Dean swallowed hard. He had known Cas had staged it, Cas had told him as much, but to hear it in such detail made his knees weak. "Sneaky boy." He mumbled and distantly realized he had stopped stroking them after all.

Cas smiled secretly. "And that time here in the kitchen? Yeah, I didn’t really need to go that badly."

"You…" Dean breathed hard and remembered vividly how Cas had looked then and how his pee had sounded when it hit the bottom of the sink. His whole body trembled with need. "Fuck, I got so hard both times."

Cas leaned forwards and wrapped his strong arms around Dean’s neck, speaking against Dean’s parted lips. "I heard you, that time in the water park after you had taken care of me and ushered me outside that cave. I heard you moan and I wanted more."

Dean snapped for the second time that evening. He lunged forward and captured Cas’ pliant lips in a searing kiss, tongues and teeth clashing and Cas moaned wantonly and pushed his hips up at Dean. Hearing Cas saying all that shit had Dean on edge almost more than the friction between them and he knew in that moment that whatever happened after tonight he couldn’t fucking live without Cas anymore.

"Fucking hell." Dean growled against Cas’ lips. "I can’t stand it, I need you so much Cas."

"Dean." Cas whimpered. "I want you to fuck me but I don’t think…" he gasped when Dean’s strong fingers started massaging his ass. "I can’t hold it for so long, I need to come."

"Fuck, I want to see it, baby. I want to see you lose control."

"Yeah?"

"I don’t have a kink for watersports but baby," Dean leaned out again, eyes round with realization. "Hearing you talk about it, I need to see it again."

"Need what?" Cas asked, his eyes closed as he rutted against Dean’s body. When Dean didn’t answer he opened his eyes and looked at Dean but Dean couldn’t fucking say it even then, even after Cas declaring his undying love for him. But Cas understood because of course he did. His pupil dilated even more and when he spoke it was with such a gravelly voice that Dean almost fucking came from just hearing it. "You want to watch me pee myself?"

It was ridiculous, of course, wanting to see a grown man wet himself but there was something about the thought of Cas like that that turned Dean on more than he ever thought it would. He swallowed and managed to nod and Cas shuddered but it wasn’t in disgust, Dean noted when he saw a blob of pre-come leak out of Cas’ rock hard dick.

"God, Dean." Cas all but moaned and leaned back on the counter, one hand propped behind himself to keep his balance and the other on their dicks, carefully peeling his away from Dean’s hand. "Right here?"

"Anywhere." Dean rasped and the sound of his own voice surprised him as much as it seemed to turn Cas on.

Cas spread his legs and leaned his head back with his eyes closed as he stroked himself slowly. "I-I can’t believe… For the longest time I got hard when I peed in the shower, remembering what we’d done."

Dean’s hands were roaming Cas’ chest and he pressed his thumbs against the other man’s nipples at Cas’ confession. "So fucking perfect." He mumbled and slowly rolled his hips just to get some friction against Cas’ tight balls. "Let go for me, baby. All over yourself, do it for me."

Cas whined high-pitched and stilled his hand to angle his dick up against his own chest. A small spurt of pee shot out a second later and Dean basically stopped breathing. Cas panted and stroked his dick a few more times.

"It’s hard when I’m… hard."

"I know baby." Dean soothed and reached behind Cas to gather the man closer when Cas stilled his hand again. He pressed a hand to Cas’ lower stomach and Cas arched his back as a bigger stream of pee shot out. Cas groaned and clenched his hand around his dick but a moment later he was peeing freely, a strong stream shooting up his chest and making his grey tee blacken. "That’s right." Dean whispered, his voice hoarse. "Such a good baby boy, aren’t you? Let it all out, let me feel it."

"Y-yes." Cas whined, voice strained both from need and from the effort of peeing with an erection. Dean gathered him in his arms to press them together. Cas let go of his dick to hug Dean even closer and Dean felt Cas’ warm pee spread over his own chest and stomach as well, pooling between them and he started rutting almost unconsciously when his dick got covered in it.

"Oh, fuck, Cas." He moaned and grabbed the man’s ass. "Feels so good, _you_ feel so good. My beautiful boy, my baby boy, so eager for me."

" Yes, yes, Dean." Cas gasped and grabbed Dean’s hair painfully as his dick gave a last little twitch and he stopped peeing. "God, Dean! Gonna, gonna come. You… Fuck, I can’t hold it—"

Dean was so close to his own orgasm he was almost crying. "Yes." He rasped and bit down on Cas’ neck. "Do it, cover me in your come baby."

"_Dean_." Cas whined and that was it, his whole body seized up and his arms and legs constricted around Dean to keep him close as he spilled his sperm between them.

Dean followed seconds later, unable to handle being splashed with Cas’ pee and come. Shot after shot pounded out of him and he whined too, with the intensity of it. Fuck, he had really wanted to come inside Cas but he was beginning to realize that that had been an unrealistic expectation after so long apart.

They stayed still for a long time, entangled in each other and Cas’ pee slowly soaking into their clothes, reveling in each other’s closeness. Cas eventually scrunched up his nose at the smell, though.

"I think we need a shower." He said with a frown but Dean just laughed at lapped at his lips until it went away.

"I think I have some clothes that might fit you." Dean leaned out a little to look at the debauched man and still couldn’t fucking believe it. "You’re still smaller than me and I goddamn love that for some fucked up reason but I think you can manage anyway."

Cas actually blushed prettily at that and glanced in the general direction of the front door. "I actually have an overnight bag in the car."

Dean had a hard time wrapping his mind around the fact that Cas was driving now but he smiled at the thought and at what the man had said. He leaned in and pecked Cas on the nose.

"Confident that things would go well with me, were you?" he teased and Cas managed to both blush and look indignant. It was adorable.

"I was planning on visiting Michael as well, I told you. But," he bit his lower lip for second. "But yeah."

Dean chuckled. "Well, then, genius. Do you want to go fetch that bag now or do you want a shower first?"

"Shower, idiot."

Dean laughed and put strong arms around Cas to lift him off the counter and carry him to the bathroom, their chests pressed together and Cas’ legs around Dean. "Good, and later we can go shopping for some food. If you’re planning on staying for a while, that is?"

Cas smiled and cupped Dean’s cheek as he leaned in to gently press his lips against Dean’s. "I plan on staying forever if you’ll let me."

"Are you kidding me?" Dean let Cas down when they reached the bathroom and they undressed each other slowly. "I’m never letting you leave me again if I can help it."

Cas smirked. "So, grocery shopping later? I’ve missed your cooking."

Dean blushed a little at the comment and turned on the shower when Cas had closed the cabin door. "Then I’ll have to dust off the frying pan. And besides, we’re out of honey." He looked over at Cas with a grin but it faltered a little when he saw that Cas’ eyes were suddenly brimming with tears.

"You remembered." Cas mumbled and Dean stepped over to gently cup the younger man’s face, bringing him in.

"I remember everything about you, baby." He whispered and Cas shivered when Dean kissed him.

  


*********

  


" D-Dean, hurry."

"Easy, baby boy." Dean mumbled against the heated skin of Cas’ inner thigh, his fingers effortlessly sliding and scissoring in and out of Cas’ fluttering opening.

Yeah, they had barely managed to get through that shower. Truth be told, they were still a little wet and Cas’ hair was definitely leaving a wet spot on Dean’s pillow but fuck if he cared. All he could focus on was the gorgeous man and the way his lean body writhed and shook beneath Dean. Cas was on his back on Dean’s bed, his legs drawn up against his chest and his hands clenching the sheets to keep from touching his achingly hard dick. Dean shifted closer on his knees where he sat between Cas’ spread legs, fingering the man’s opening. He lazily rubbed his erection against Cas’ trembling leg, just to take the edge off and the action made Cas arch his back, even in his curled up state.

"Dean!" he all but barked, his eyes squeezed shut. "Need you, _now_."

Dean chuckled and crooked his fingers to graze the man’s prostate one more time before he withdrew and tore the condom wrapper open. "You’re so beautiful, Cas." He mumbled affectionately as he rolled the condom on, lubing himself up a little just to be sure. "Don’t want to hurt you."

Cas turned a dark glare up at Dean and Dean’s breath hitched. "I’m not made of glass." He stated and wrapped his legs around Dean’s waist to draw him closer even as his hands reached for Dean’s shoulder and neck. "I’m a grown man and I’ve waited fucking forever for you to wreck me." He tugged Dean down and the action made Dean’s dick press against his opening. "So _wreck_ me."

" Fuck, Cas." Dean panted and reached a hand under Cas’ rump while the other steadied his erection so he could press into Cas’ waiting heat.

"Yes please." Cas moaned and sealed his lips over Dean’s when the head of Dean’s dick breached his entrance.

Dean whimpered into the kiss when he felt Cas’ amazing heat envelop him. It was so fucking tight and perfect that he got tears in his eyes. He couldn’t stop himself and just continued to press down until he was entirely sheathed in Cas, his balls resting snugly against Cas’ ass. Dean had been with his fair share of men but nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of Cas clamping down around him, moaning so beautifully and clawing at Dean’s back.

"S-so big." Cas pressed out and his eyes were squeezed shut with the effort of relaxing. "Feels so good, Dean, I-I…"

"Sch, baby, I know." Dean kissed Cas’ neck, his cheek, and when he finally landed on Cas’ open mouth Cas’ body shook and Dean felt him relax in one big whoosh. "Such a good boy for me." Dean murmured and Cas whined as he withdrew just to slide back in again.

Dean felt his own need building much too quickly but he held himself in check as to not just start ramming Cas. He wanted to savor this, wanted it to last forever. Cas was rolling his hips up to meet Dean’s thrusts and his dick was dragging deliciously against Dean’s stomach, smearing them both with pre-come.

"Dean, Dean." Cas was practically chanting Dean’s name and Dean couldn’t blame him. He felt about as coherent as Cas apparently was and he couldn’t fucking believe he got to have this. To have Cas panting and willing beneath him after such a long time spent in darkness. Cas felt like a beacon of light and hope and Dean didn’t even dare think that he would be allowed to have this for much longer.

He would give Cas everything he had, would give him the world, and he could just hope that it would be enough to make this beautiful man stay with him forever.

"Goddamn, Cas." He mumbled against Cas’ sweat-soaked neck, feeling the need urge him on even though he wanted to take it slow. "You feel so good, all wet and willing for me." He snaked his arms around Cas’ lean body and hugged him closer as his hips picked up their pace. "Can’t believe you’re here baby, feels like I’m fucking dreaming."

Cas’ hand tangled in Dean’s hair and he panted against Dean’s ear. "I will always be with you Dean, you are _my_ man."

" Yes, yes, Cas." Dean moaned pitifully. His groin felt on fire and the coil in his stomach wrapped itself tighter and tighter, his orgasm teetering just there on the edge. "Always."

"Dean, I-I’m gonna…"

"Yeah." He kissed and licked at Cas’ neck. "Me too baby. You feel so good, I can’t stop myself." He was just about to reach down and start stroking Cas between them when Cas’ back arched and his legs tightened around Dean’s waist.

"Dean!" he screamed, his brilliantly blue eyes open wide as his dick released spurt after spurt between them, coating them both in hot, sticky come.

Dean cursed under his breath as his felt Cas come, and then seconds later louder when Cas’ body spasmed and clenched around his dick. The pull became almost unbearable and he thrust in harshly one more time before he came hard, shooting the condom full inside Cas’ tight heat.

Dean nearly passed out from the force of it and when he blinked himself into reality he was lying on his side, cradled in Cas’ arms and with Cas humming Metallica against Dean’s sweaty hair.

"C-Cas." Dean stammered, still too overwhelmed by the orgasm to even pretend that this whole thing wasn’t emotional for him. Chick-flick moments aside, he had spent a fucking decade trying to get over Cas and now he suddenly had him back? It was too much.

"Still here." Cas mumbled and kissed Dean’s head like Dean had done to him, so many times before. When Dean broke down crying Cas just hugged him closer. "Here for always, Dean. Finally."

  


*********

  


To say that people were surprised would be an understatement. People close to Dean who had never met or even heard of Cas nearly thought Dean had been brainwashed at first. But they took one look at how Cas and Dean were looking at each other and eventually dropped it. It wasn’t like Dean cared anyway, the only person whose approval he wanted was Sammy and the kid had been surprised too, sure, but then he had laughed fondly and told Dean he was happy for them. Bless his heart, he had even taken time off school to drive over to Sioux Falls and help clean out his old room when Dean told him he wanted to make it into an office for Cas. Jess had joined him too and she’d remembered Cas as that awkward kid that sometimes hung out with Sam but if she thought it was strange that he was now dating Dean she made no mention of it.

Dean had been a little nervous about Cas’ family as well but they seemed to take it in stride. After all, Cas was a consenting adult and it wasn’t like they knew how long this had really been going on. Gabriel gave them a smirk when he eventually visited but it was impossible to know if it was because he suspected something or because he was pleased with the general outcome. Cas had in any case blatantly lied to his family and said that he and Dean had kept contact during the ten years apart and that when they eventually met again they realized that they probably liked each other a little bit more than as just friends. That they would try it out and see where it led. It was basically the same thing they told Sam and Jess, only Dean was a little less comfortable lying to Sam so he just left a lot out. Somehow he thought Sam would spot the lie and by the glint in his eyes maybe that he already knew something. After all, how many big brothers cried when their little brothers’ friends moved out of town? Neither of them mentioned anything about it though and Dean would be eternally grateful for that.

Later, when Dean learned how much money Cas’ job as a writer actually paid he’d asked if Cas didn’t want to buy a house or something instead of staying in this crappy apartment. Cas had just smiled and said maybe in the future but that this would always be home. And with Cas snuggled up on the couch beside him Dean thought that yeah, that had never been truer.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have the end of the plot! Thank you for reading, hope y'all feel satisfied <3  
> Next (and last) chapter is basically a smutty extra, coming soon!


	7. The extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porn.

  
  


"Baby?" Dean slammed the front door shut behind him. "Where you at?"

"Bathroom." He heard Cas call back and he immediately started walking down the hall.

They had been living together for almost six months and it had been the best fucking time in Dean’s life. Cas was everything to him and he wanted to give the man all he had. He had even stopped drinking, down to the occasional beer to go with dinner and he had poured the last of old Jack down the drain the day Cas moved in. It was still hard, sometimes, but Cas’ presence made it so much easier. Cas was intelligent, funny, and caring. And he was smoking hot. The last part was a fact that occupied much of Dean’s mind and especially when he wasn’t around the other man and couldn’t bask in Cas’ reflected glory.

Today had been especially trying for some goddamn unfathomable reason and as he pushed open the door to the bathroom he palmed the erection he’d had since their phone call during lunch. "I have an itch." He all but purred and Cas chuckled at him.

"I’ll scratch it in a second." He said as he unbuttoned his jeans, the lid of the toilet already up.

Dean’s eyes darkened with arousal and he stepped over to the younger man, a hand on Cas’ stopping his administrations. "Don’t."

"Don’t what?" Cas asked, obviously confused.

"Don’t pee." Dean breathed against his ear, cupping Cas’ dick. "Need you, now."

Cas’ dick twitched but it was impossible to say if it was because of Dean’s words or the need to pee. "But—"

Dean licked at the skin under Cas’ ear, making the smaller man shiver. "I want to be inside you when you do it. I wanna fuck you while you try to hold it."

"Fuck." Cas breathed and Dean leaned out to look him in the eye.

"Too much?" he asked, even though he could see Cas’ pupils blown with lust.

Cas shook his head. "No, I think it’s brilliant but I don’t think I can hold it that long." He blushed as he spoke but held Dean’s gaze and it just made Dean harder.

"Fucking hell, Cas." Dean growled and lunged forwards, kissing the man as if his life depended on it. Cas moaned against his mouth and fisted Dean’s tee. "We’ll do it here, in the shower." He was already ripping Cas’ clothes off.

"Dean, shouldn’t we wait until I don’t need to go so bad and—"

"Cas, want you so much." Dean all but whined against Cas’ lips. "Have wanted you since this morning. Want you all desperate." He was backing up towards the shower and Cas was stumbling back willingly, his dick hardening when Dean ripped down his jeans and underwear.

"Can’t… Can’t promise I’ll be able to hold it." He gasped when Dean stroke his dick twice before letting go again.

"God, Cas." Dean mumbled and fucking finally divested himself and Cas of their last pieces of clothing before slipping them inside the shower, shutting the door and turning it on.

As the water went from cold to warm he pressed Cas up against the wall, kissing him furiously and Cas made a little squeak in the back of his throat. Yeah, that was definitely not water Dean felt rushing over his stomach. He looked down with a smirk and saw Cas’ dick twitching as little droplets of pee kept dribbling out.

"You need to go so bad you can’t even get properly hard, is that it?" he grinned and Cas started stroking himself, just to distract himself from the look of it.

"We’re doing this from behind." He stated and promptly turned around. "And hurry."

"Damn, Cas." Dean mumbled and pressed his thumb against Cas’ hole as he reached for the shampoo bottle. "Love you all needy like this." He pressed out a healthy amount of shampoo on Cas’ back, letting it dribble down the man’s hole. It wasn’t a very good lubricant and Dean knew Cas didn’t really like to use it but they had before when, as now, necessity and need overtook their better judgements.

Cas whined and pressed back against Dean’s fingers as he worked first one and then two inside. His hole was swallowing Dean up and he loved every freaking moment of it. Cas was always so eager for him and it made Dean feel so powerful that he tried to make Cas feel treasured every chance he got. Sometimes, though, sometimes the urge to just pound overtook him and Cas was right there with him then too. Cas was always with him, so steady and so much more comforting than any liquor had ever been.

The inside of Cas felt so good that Dean momentarily forgot everything else, even his own painful hard-on. But then Cas bucked back against his hand and glared at Dean over his shoulder.

"_Dean_." He grumbled in that deep voice of his that sent shivers down Dean’s spine. " Hurry _up_."

" God _damn_." Dean breathed and reached over to the shampoo again to spurt some of it on his dick. Bareback felt so much better but Dean still kind of wished they had proper lube. When he pressed the head of his cock inside Cas’ heat he forgot all about that nonsense, though, preoccupied with the heat and clench that pulled him in.

" Shit." Cas whined, his hand in a fist around his leaking dick.

Dean bent down and draped himself over Cas’ shaking back to be able to look over his shoulder. Yeah, leaking alright but not leaking pre-come in the least. A heated wave of arousal spiked through Dean when he saw that Cas was barely holding it in. He hissed when Dean moved to pull back and when Dean thrust back in, a little more forcefully than strictly necessary, a big spurt of pee shot out of him and he gasped loudly.

"Holy crap." Dean mumbled against Cas’ ear, totally enthralled with the sight. Cas’ body was spasming more than usual and it felt fucking incredible. "You’re so prefect, baby. So tight and desperate around me."

"D-Dean, I can’t hold it. I’m gonna fucking pee all over the wall."

Dean’s breath hitched. "A little while longer baby boy." He murmured, his voice just as dark and hoarse as he knew Cas liked it. He started thrusting harder, his orgasm building fast. "Gonna come so soon, want you to let go when I do."

"I c- _can’t_." Cas bit out and Dean clearly saw more and more pee spilling out. The sight was so delicious he could already taste his own orgasm in the back of his throat.

" So close, Cas, baby. So close." He straightened and hooked his hands around Cas’ sharp hips, really starting to ram the other man. Hips pistoling, breathing ragged, Dean felt his orgasm approach and then suddenly Cas flung his head back, moaning throatily. His hole clenched around Dean almost as if he had reached orgasm himself but when Dean looked down he could see a steady stream of pee. The sight made his skin prickle and he came, hard, not a second later. The orgasm was so sudden that it took his breath away but he still managed to pull out and turn Cas around while it pounded out of him in thick spurts.

Cas’ pee hit him and he pressed closer to kiss the other man immediately. Cas moaned and bucked his hips against Dean’s softening dick. "Dean." He moaned. "I need to come."

"I know baby." Dean carded his fingers through Cas’ water-soaked hair. "Felt so good to release, didn’t it?"

"Yes." Cas whined. "Felt so good with you in me."

"Such a good boy." Dean mumbled and slid to his knees when he felt that Cas was done peeing. Without any preamble he downed Cas’ hard dick and sucked it greedily down his throat. Cas tasted wonderful and he swallowed as best he could around the dick when Cas put his hands on Dean’s head.

"Yes." Cas hissed and started bucking his hips. "Just like that. Fuck, Dean, you’re so good at giving head." He was earnestly starting to fuck Dean’s face now and Dean let him. He suspected he would feel guilty later on for making Cas hold his pee like that but right now it all just felt so goddamn amazing he could hardly think straight.

It didn’t take long before Cas got desperate and he whined with the need. Dean smirked and pulled off, much to Cas’ dismay, and started stroking the flushed dick.

"Need to come, baby?" he asked teasingly and totally unnecessarily. Cas was a wreck above Dean, his pupils blow, his wet hair plastered to his forehead and an almost pained expression on his face. "You wanna come all over my face? Spray me and mark me up? Just let yourself lose control and cover m—" Dean was interrupted by Cas smacking his head back against the tile and fucking coming all over Dean. His dick twitched and jerked, shot after shot landing on Dean’s cheeks, mouth, nose. He almost got some in his eyes but managed to close them in the last second. He licked his lips and rubbed them against the head of Cas’ softening dick when the man slumped back against the wall, thoroughly sated.

"Jesus _Christ_." Cas mumbled a moment later and gently patted Dean’s head as Dean mouthed at his limp dick.

" I prefer Dean, but you can call me whatever you want baby." He smirked and Cas grinned down at him.

"Smartass."

"Except maybe that."

"Get up here." Cas grabbed at Dean’s arms and Dean went to his feet willingly, pressing close against Cas, kissing him gently.

"That was hot." He mumbled after a moment when Cas busied himself with cleaning any remaining come off Dean’s face.

"Yeah." Cas smiled. "It was painful too but I kind of want to do it again sometime."

Dean growled and pulled Cas in for another kiss. "Next time I want to see you losing it in the bed."

Cas breath hitched. "That’s…"

"Taboo, right?" Dean nibbled at Cas’ earlobe. "A grown man peeing the bed, whatever would I do to punish you?"

"Well," Cas said, his voice hoarse with obvious arousal and Dean hugged him closer. "Why not? We’re kind of experts on taboos already, aren’t we?"

Dean couldn’t agree more.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you guys! I love you all!


End file.
